Setting boundaries

My sister has a saying that comes to mind often: “Start as you want to continue.”

It’s a simple truth — the way you begin any relationship tends to set the tone for how it carries on. Setting clear boundaries at the start of a job can prevent a lot of misunderstandings and stress later on.

However, even if you didn’t start that way, you can still change the situation. If the pattern of being contacted outside of work hours has already been established, you can decide today to start as you mean to go forward. It’s never too late to reset expectations, especially when it comes to protecting your time and maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

In today’s workplace, where technology means you’re reachable 24-7, it’s more important than ever to establish boundaries — for your own well-being and your career sustainability.

Broader context: right to disconnect

Some Canadian provinces have recognized the strain constant connectivity places on workers and have introduced legislation to help protect personal time. For example, Ontario introduced a “Right to Disconnect” law that requires employers with more than 25 employees to have a written policy about disconnecting from work outside of regular hours. Quebec has explored similar measures.

However, not all provinces have implemented such laws and even where they exist, they primarily focus on requiring policies, not necessarily outlawing after-hours communication. As a result, in many workplaces, the responsibility still falls on employees to advocate for themselves and set personal limits.

It’s also important to acknowledge many managers who send late-night emails or texts aren’t necessarily demanding immediate responses. Often, they are catching up on their own workload and clearing a mental checklist before the next day.

However, without a clear conversation and mutual understanding, a few late messages can unintentionally evolve into a regular expectation of being available at all hours.

Why setting boundaries matters

Without clear boundaries, after-hours work communication can:

— Erode personal time, leaving you without the opportunity to rest and recharge;

— Cause resentment over time, even if it starts out feeling manageable;

— Lead to burnout, which harms both your health and your job performance;

— Create unrealistic expectations, especially if you always respond right away.

Healthy boundaries don’t just protect your well-being; they actually help you do better work during regular hours. They also teach others (including managers) how to treat you.

If you never indicate late-night communication is a problem, your manager might naturally assume you don’t mind. Without a conversation, there’s often no reason for them to question the status quo.

How to set boundaries respectfully, effectively

If you’re ready to draw a clearer line, here’s a step-by-step approach:

Reflect on your comfort level: Before speaking to your manager, think carefully about what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Are you OK receiving messages outside of hours as long as no immediate reply is expected? Would you prefer after-hours communication be reserved for true emergencies only? Defining your limits will make the conversation much easier.

Pick a calm time for discussion: Don’t bring this up in the heat of the moment after receiving a late-night email. Wait for a natural, calm opportunity — such as a regular check-in, one-on-one meeting or performance review — to talk about work expectations.

Frame it positively: When you raise the topic, focus on how setting boundaries helps you perform better. For example: “I’ve noticed that sometimes messages come in after-hours. I want to make sure I’m bringing my best focus during the day, so going forward, I’d like to reserve my evenings for personal time unless it’s something urgent. I’ll always respond first thing the next morning.” This approach shows you’re committed to the work, while still valuing your personal time.

Clarify response expectations: A lot of the stress comes from not knowing whether you’re expected to reply immediately. A simple clarification — like confirming you’ll read and reply during business hours — can prevent a lot of anxiety.

Use practical supports, if needed: You might want to take steps such as silencing notifications after a certain hour or using an auto-responder that politely states when you’ll next be available. These small tools reinforce your verbal boundary without requiring confrontation.

Be consistent: Once you set a new boundary, stick to it. If you cave and respond to messages after-hours, the boundary becomes blurry again. Calm consistency is key to getting others to respect your limits.

If the manager pushes back: Most will respect your boundary once you explain it. However, if you encounter resistance, stay calm and repeat your key points. Emphasize preserving personal time helps you do your best work. Remind them emergencies will always be addressed, but most issues can wait until business hours. If the pattern continues despite your efforts, it may require a broader conversation with HR or leadership — but most of the time, a clear and respectful conversation early on prevents the need for escalation.

Moving forward

In an ideal world, you would “start as you want to continue” — setting healthy limits from the very first day. But even if you didn’t, it’s never too late.

By reflecting on what you need, calmly discussing it with your manager and following through consistently, you can create a new standard for your working relationship.

Regardless of whether your province has a right to disconnect law (Manitoba does not), you have the right to protect your personal time. Doing so isn’t selfish — it’s a smart, necessary act of self-care that benefits both you and your employer in the long term.

If you feel the pressure of constant connectivity weighing on you, take today as your opportunity. Reset the tone. Start now as you want to continue, with clear, respectful boundaries that support your health, happiness and professional success.

Tory McNally, CPHR, BSc., vice-president, professional services, is a human resource consultant, radio personality and problem solver. She can be reached at tory@legacybowes.com