Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/6/2011 (3765 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Good morning, everyone. Come on in, lie down on Uncle Doug's couch and we'll have a nice relaxing chat about the weather.
Would you like a soothing cup of herbal tea? No. That's OK, because Uncle Doug knows exactly how you're feeling. You're feeling a little bit angry, aren't you?
The truth is, you're in a blind rage, a seething inner turmoil, just like when Bruce Banner says "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry" then turns into the Incredible Hulk and squashes some random henchman like a (bad word) grape.
You're feeling this way because you're fed up with the weather, by which I mean the excessive moisture that is making life miserable for homeowners, cottagers and farmers on both sides of the border.
And when it finally turns hot and dry, we'll get an invasion of mutant blood-sucking mosquitoes that will make Godzilla look like that cute lizard on the Geico commercials. So there's that to look forward to.
The medical point is, it's not healthy to keep all this anger bottled up inside. So, as a public service, The Weather Column contacted a local anger-management expert for advice on curbing our "rain rage." Get ready to feel at one with the universe, because here are the Top 3 Tips from Carolyn Bergen, director and therapist with Winnipeg's Bergen & Associates Counselling:
Tip No. 1 -- "Take a deep breath and focus on what you can control and not on what you can't. We can't control the weather, but we can control how we respond and whether we have a good weekend or not."
Tip No. 2 -- "Distract yourself -- Take a break from what frustrates you. Enjoy a laugh with your family, go to a movie, distance yourself from what makes you mad. That helps you cool down and gives you some inner resources to deal with the weather or whatever's frustrating you."
Tip No. 3 -- "Maintain perspective by asking: How will I view this situation in three months or five years or whatever. A person may be angry about having no shoes until they see someone who has no feet."
Now that you're feeling mellow, you won't mind when I tell you today's forecast calls for a mix of sun and cloud with a 60 per cent chance of showers or thunderstorms in the evening and a high of 22 C, just under the normal high of 25 C at this time of year.
But Sunday will be sunny with a high of 23 C, and it should be clear skies and warmer the rest of the week. If you want to enhance your state of relaxation, take in the final weekend of the Red River Ex. The thrill rides are great, but if you do not try the deep-fried pickles I will be personally insulted. I'm just saying.
Speaking of peace, love and understanding, rain or shine, today is Multiculturalism Day at The Forks, with entertainment and cultural displays under the canopy from noon to 5 p.m. And Paws in Motion, the humane society's biggest fundraiser, is set for Sunday in Assiniboine Park, with about 1,200 owners and 800 dogs expected to turn out for the annual pet walk-a-thon. Go there, and fetch a donation!
No matter what you do this weekend, try to stay calm. If you see a low-pressure system or a cold air mass packing torrential rains, just take a deep breath... then punch it in the throat!
Doug has held almost every job at the newspaper — reporter, city editor, night editor, tour guide, hand model — and his colleagues are confident he’ll eventually find something he is good at.