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Boyfriend's family no reason to stay with cheater

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/6/2014 (1161 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I've been in a relationship with a wonderful and handsome man for over two years now. Recently, we moved in together. I thought we were doing great, then we started to fight and make up constantly.

We share a smartphone and I noticed he started deleting all history on it, except for this one area where he doesn't know to look. The other day I checked. He's been signing up for online dating sites, randomly adding real slutty-looking women on Facebook and messaging other women.

This is not the first time I've caught him trying to cheat on me. I've asked him for the truth, and although he did not admit to doing it, he did apologize for thinking of doing it. I've been so disgusted by his actions it's hard to even look at him now. The sad thing is I can't imagine my life without him now, and I love his family dearly. Starting over yet again would be too much to deal with. I need some advice. Otherwise I'm going to just pack up one day, leave and disappear to anywhere but Manitoba. -- Needing Advice, Winnipeg


Dear Needing Advice: This guy doesn't want a monogamous committed relationship, and you know it. The question is: why are you consciously hanging onto a guy who has proved he cheats and disrespects you? You may think you'll miss his family, but you'll find another. There is just no excuse for being too lazy to find a good man to be your husband and the father of your unborn children.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My son is feeling left out because of all the talk about his new baby brother coming this month. Taking him to the hospital to view the little baby -- who is going to be taking his place as Mr. Attention Getter -- isn't going to go over well. Today he said, "I don't want that baby in your tummy. Give it back." What can I do ease this baby into his heart? -- Anxious Mama, Tuxedo


Dear Anxious: A great idea sometimes passed down to new moms from grandmas is to wrap a present for the toddler with his name on it as a gift from the baby. Pack it for the hospital and give it to the little guy when he's brought in to visit, saying, "This is from your baby brother." Whether he swallows that idea or not, it gets things off on a better footing. He can open the gift there and play with the new toy while other people are oohing and ahhing over that ridiculous baby.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I have gotten into slapping each other -- playful slapping -- but slapping nonetheless. He smacks my bottom and I slap his face when we're annoyed or feeling frisky. They are just little clips. My best girlfriend witnessed this and said, "That's dangerous play. Quit doing it or it could escalate when you're seriously angry at each other." Is she right? -- Slap Happy, West End


Dear Slap Happy: She's mostly right. It partly depends on the people involved. The face slapping is more likely to mushroom into something bad if a real fight erupts, and seriously slapping anyone's face is a personal insult. The bum-smacking is more likely to stay as sex play. Warning: Hitting each other could be asking for trouble down the road for any couple that has removed it as taboo between them.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband comes from another culture. Friday nights are his family nights and he expects us to put on a big dinner for his entire extended family, which can be as many as 17 people. People bring some food dishes, but we are expected to produce the rest.

Last weekend it cost us $100 each and I lost it. We don't do this for my family, and I don't want to, either. How can I suggest we take turns hosting this dinner? My husband says he's proud to be able to do it because his family sacrificed so much for him and now we have the money to treat them. He forgets how much work I put into these dinners, and I have a career, too. He helps, but it's not an all-encompassing woman's type of help. Can I solve this diplomatically? -- Exhausted on Fridays, Central Winnipeg


Dear Exhausted: You don't need to nix this big family dinner altogether -- that would cause embarrassment -- but you do need to tell your husband you can only do it twice a month, then use your double-income situation to cater some of the food.

Also suggest to your husband that doing everything takes away the opportunity for others to share in the dinner. Then be a diplomat with the ladies in the other families and see how they feel. Some may be secretly resenting the wholesale takeover of Friday night dinners and their evening taken up every single Friday night. It's a great idea, but would be more fun twice a month with more sharing of the huge task.


Please send your questions or comments c/o or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Read more by Miss Lonelyhearts.


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