Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/1/2015 (1794 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: There's this man who works in my office with me five days a week. He's so sweet to me and treats me nicely — from getting me birthday flowers to letting me use his car for a month when I didn't have my own. He even kept it gassed up and put snow tires on it. He takes me to run errands and always gets the door for me. He treats me like a princess. But I don't see him outside of work and he's married with two kids.
His wife and daughters live down in southern Manitoba, and from what I can gather, the marriage isn't a happy one. He's 30-ish and I'm 19. He likes to flirt with me a lot and wants a lot from me. He always talks about getting me a place to live with him, as well, since I live at home. Is this a bad idea?
I don't want to sound conceited, but from what I'm told, I'm gorgeous. I also go to the gym a lot, so sometimes I think people fall too hard for me when it might be just because I'm attractive. If you think it's a bad idea, how do I tell him? — Needing an Opinion, Up North
Dear Needing An Opinion: What's this about setting up a place for you to live with him? You don't even see him outside the office. There's something wrong with his thinking. Is he hoping to keep two women in two homes or is he feathering his nest up north so he can ditch his family down south and then come after you hours later? Is he expecting that after all he's given to you, you will give your everything to him, emotionally and sexually? You are a very young woman, still a teenager, who should be enjoying her life of freedom with younger, less demanding and complicated people than this mover.
Do you really want to become the second wife to a 30-year-old with an angry wife and two upset children? If not, politely but firmly stop accepting his gifts and services so you don't feel you owe him anything. It's only a matter of time before his wife hears about this gift-giving monkey business, even though she's living many miles away. It's surprising she hasn't heard about his big moves like lending you the car.
Your letter tells me you already know this isn't a good idea. Start putting some distance between the two of you and look in other directions for someone closer to your own age and stage in life. Don't do it abruptly, just drift away bit by bit, and get yourself a real love life going that this older man can see. That will be the dose of reality he needs to back off.