Hey there, time traveller! This article was published 30/1/2014 (1452 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Olympic organizers have been wracking their brains for years trying to come up with hip, new extreme sports that will attract younger fans to the Games.
From what I can tell, without doing any actual research, the only people they haven't discussed this important issue with are young people themselves.
Which is why, with the Sochi Winter Games set to kick off on Feb. 7, I agreed to sit down this week with some of the brightest young sports minds on this frozen planet.
As most of you Olympic buffs have already deduced, I am referring here to the patriotic kids in Chelsea Bohemier's Grade 6 class at Neil Campbell School in East Kildonan.
I helped the kids kick off I Love to Read Month — which technically begins in February — in exchange for them (a) not pelting me with eggs; and (b) writing letters, with cute cartoon-style drawings, describing some new sports they'd like to see added to the Winter Olympic Games.
They can't wait to see Canada win gold in hockey, but here's a few off-the-wall events the Grade 6 gang think would help the Olympic flame burn a little brighter...
Event No. 1 — "A good sport would be... Swimming in Waffles!" — Brandon, 11
Event No. 2 — "A sport I would think would be cool to see in the Olympics would be Skating Bowling." — Max, 11
Event No. 3 — "I think they should add Figure Skating Gymnastics. You should be able to skate while doing the splits and a cartwheel. It would be like figure skating but just doing gymnastics at the same time." — Tessa, 11
Event No. 4 — "A very cool Olympic sport would be Shovelling! Like, come on, if Canadians don't know how to shovel, then Scooby-Doo might as well be a normal dog. What you do is line up and, well, SHOVEL! (This game is made for Canadians, so make sure there is a lot of Americans, Russians, etc.)" — Alexandra, 11
Event No. 5 — "A sport that we should have is speed-skaters go around in a circle 10 times, then they use bowling balls to try to knock down a figure skater from the other teams, but the figure skaters have to try to jump over the bowling balls. The last figure skater standing is the team that wins!" — Abby, 11
Event No. 6 — "I think a good sport to be in the Winter Olympics for Canadians is Wind Shield Scraping. Canadians would definitely win that. Dog sledding, that would be fun to watch... Also, another good one would be bowling on ice. It wouldn't turn out too good, but it would be funny." — Autumn, 11
Event No. 7 — "Totally ordering a double-double from Timmy's and walking through snowbanks as tall as the Richardson Building. (Who can order Timmy's the fastest in time for the Jets game?! Find out in the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics!)" — Juscenta, 11
Event No. 8 — "Some ideas for the Olympics would be... Ice Marco Polo, Snowbank Jumping, Ice Twerking, Snowball Fights, Snowball Eating." — C.J., 11
Event No. 9 — "I think a cool Olympic game I would like to watch would be something like races in very deep snow with figure skates. You have stairs made with mini-trampolines and you have to go jump up each trampoline with snowshoes and on the last trampoline you have to jump as far as you can and land. Whoever gets the furthest wins." — Faye, 11
Event No. 10 — "A very cool sport in the Olympics would be Daring Winter Challenges... like two people in one giant ice box and who could stay in longer but if they both stayed in for at least 10 minutes they both win or you could swim in ice-cold tubes with only a little air." — Dalston, 11
Event No. 11 — "If I had to make up an Olympic sport... Winter Trapezing! Imagine a trampoline covered in snow and an ice-cold bar. (Wearing a huge parka and HEAVY ski pants.) Try hanging on to the bar now! Hilarious!" — Talia, 11
Event No. 12 — "If I could make up a new winter sport it would be called The Toboggan Flip! Athletes would take any toboggan/sled they like... and would go on HUGE steep hills. They would try to flip and get air time, then the judges would give them a score out of 10. That would be a thrilling sport to watch, I promise!" Camilla, "age 11 (almost 12)"
Event No. 13 — "A good Winter Olympic sport would be Fastest Icicle Melter. You find an icicle about 10 inches long and you have to melt it with your bare hands as fast as you can. If you get really cold hands, then you melt the icicle with your tongue. Then, when your tongue gets stuck, you run inside and pour hot water on your tongue. By the time you get back outside, you'll have lost the competition, so then you go cry under your bed and realize you had no chance against a true Canadian." — Brooke, age 11. "P.S. I'm terrible at drawing, so there will be no drawing included."
So there you have it, Olympic organizers. I'd share more with you, but I have to run because I'm in training for the Waffle Swimming event. Pass me the maple syrup on your way out.