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You can love two men, but you have to pick one

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 3/6/2014 (1173 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm in so much trouble. Two beautiful men with totally different personalities are pulling me in two directions. One lives and works in Winnipeg and the other one (whom I met online) lives in the U.S. I looked at guys in other countries online because I just wanted a fantasy man on the side -- nothing real -- but after a few months of talking and Skype-ing almost every night, I found I had unwillingly fallen in love.

I could handle the two guys as it was -- one here and one far away -- but then my fantasy man came into the city last week and finished the job of stealing my heart. He was already my best friend before that, then we spent three days in bed. Make no mistake, my guy in Winnipeg is great, too, and he's already met all my friends and family. I didn't even tell my friends this other guy was here in Manitoba. We spent the weekend at my cabin and I pretended I was away on a business trip.

Can you really be in love with two men equally? I think I am now and it's going to cause a lot of pain. I never thought I would ever call myself this but I am now officially... A Two Timer, Winnipeg


Dear Two Timer: Just as you love your friends for different reasons, you can also love more than one person romantically, too. But, let's face facts: You weren't fully wrapped up with the guy from Winnipeg because you were looking for a fantasy lover on the side. You may be crazy about them both, but neither one is getting 100 per cent of your love and attention.

At this point, if you're a kind person, you have to say goodbye to one of them. So get serious and ask yourself these questions: What's your life plan coming up? Do you have a job that offers transfers? Could you continue your present career in the U.S.? Do you want children? Does either of these two men want to have kids, or do they already have another family? Which man do you have more in common with? As a relationship grows and matures, common interests help a couple to stay close. Which man is most like you? Opposites attract at first, but then often repel. It's not fair to keep both men dancing on strings, so you have to work this out in your mind and heart ASAP.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend came home with a big tattoo on both of his bum cheeks after a trip away with his buddies, and I'm furious. I make him put his shorts on before getting out of bed to walk away from me. It's obscene! I want to know what else happened on this trip and how drunk they were. I've heard from the other girlfriends left at home that their guys also have crazy tats. My boyfriend's new one is so dumb I can't even explain it to you. When I look at it, I lose interest in making love with him. He says, "Quit giving me the fish eye, already. What's done is done."

I'm thinking maybe we're done. Were other women involved with these guys? They're all claiming to have been good boys. Riiiiight. One of the other girls has already dumped my boyfriend's best buddy: She says he gave her something. I'm making my boyfriend wear a condom now, although I take the pill. Please help. -- So Disgusted, Winnipeg


Dear Disgusted: That tattoo is not likely going to go away and neither are your suspicions. If this is not the love of your life, and you have reason to think you need barrier protection from him, why are you continuing with the relationship? It sounds like this romance has gotten way past its best-before date, and has already gone sour. Here's the thing to know about women and respect: Once a woman loses respect for a guy, she loses desire. Add to that loss of trust, and you have the makings of a totally doomed romance.

Please send your questions or comments c/o or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Read more by Miss Lonelyhearts.


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