Learning to live with adult children

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/10/2017 (2961 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

The past several years have been transitional for our household.
With our children now adults, we are getting used to a level of freedom one could only dream about as parents of young children.

The reality of this came upon me one day as my husband and I hopped in the car  and simply messaged the boys, letting them know our whereabouts. I might add that this sense of freedom is weird but welcome.

Now that it is fall and I see kids going back to school I am again reminded how grateful I am to have survived the childhood years, to be able to move about freely with no worries about our little ones.
As my dear mother would say, the children have “passed the worst.”

As a girl in Jamaica, I remember my mother prayed unceasingly, repeating the phrase: “Dear God, help me see my children pass the worst”.  

I now get the meaning and intention of what my mom was invoking in her daily prayers.  

I have to admit, that, while our sons are young adults and more than capable of caring for themselves, I still fuss over them.

Here’s what I mean:

With my newfound freedom, I am now travelling for work much more than I once did. Fussing over our sons means I prepare their favourite meals ahead of time, ensuring they will have a solid meal while I’m away. (This, I admit, I learned at my mother’s knee. She modelled this behaviour very well for her children).

Before my last trip away, I was far too busy to do my usual meal preparation for the boys — so I didn’t.  

I asked one of them how he feels about me being away as often as I am. He said he was quite fine with it.

“We’re pretty good at taking care of ourselves,” he said.

 “But I didn’t prepare any meals this time around,” I pointed out.

“Now that I have a problem with’,” he said, laughing.

What’s my point here?

No matter the age of our children, there are certain things they have come to appreciate and value from us. Sometimes that means fighting back the strong urge to tell them what to do and instead honouring their independence by asking what they will do or simply preparing their favourite meal.

We just learn how to love and care for our children in different ways at different stages- the one constant is love.

Phyllis Reid-Jarvis is a director and executive coach at Ultimate Potentials. Contact her at living@ultimatepotentials.com