The importance of mourning

West Kildonan

As you read this, we are in a period known as the Nine Days — a time when Jews traditionally perform mourning rituals, leading up to the ninth day of the month of Av, which falls on July 23 this year.

This day is traditionally considered to be the anniversary of many tragedies in Jewish history, starting with the destruction of the First Temple in Jerusalem by the Babylonians in 587 BCE (Before the Common Era). It is also said to be the date of the destruction of the Second Temple by the Romans in 70 CE, and also of the Expulsion from Spain in 1492 CE. It is traditional to sit on the ground, read the Book of Lamentations, sing sad songs, and to fast for 25 hours as a sign of grief and penitence.

During the Nine Days leading to the ninth of Av, it is traditional to abstain from meat and wine and to avoid wearing new clothes (some people will not even do laundry). Some Jewish summer camps will not allow their campers to go swimming. No weddings are held, as it is considered a very inauspicious time.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I believe we live in a society in which open grief and mourning are not always welcomed. Jewish tradition mandates at least a week of intense mourning after the death of a relative, and yet some people are only given a day or two off work for the death of a parent or spouse, and are expected to resume their lives afterwards as if nothing has happened. Tears are considered weakness, especially for men. Emotions should just be bottled up, we shouldn’t bother anyone. Even on Remembrance Day, so solemn and full of grief, stoicism reigns supreme.

This is a hard culture to battle, but one possible way out might be to designate a day of mourning, where people are expected to cry and be sad and express their grief. It could coincide with Remembrance Day or Orange Shirt Day or Red Dress Day — it doesn’t matter which day we choose, as long as it is a day that is designated for grief.

The Ninth of Av is nominally about the destruction of the Temples, but that was a very long time ago — I don’t know how many people are actually mourning that, and how many are taking the opportunity to grieve, for everything they have to grieve in their lives, with total permission.

Everyone has something to grieve, and it is incredibly important for our mental health that we find some way of normalising its expression. Designating a Day of Mourning might be a good step in that direction.