When facing loss, be a survivor, not a victim

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/10/2023 (930 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Money Lady Readers,

What do you feel when you say these words out loud:

Career failure; cancer; amputation; early retirement; bankruptcy; dementia; divorce; or death ?

All loss affects us, some losses more than others. Basically, if it doesn’t hurt, it isn’t a loss. Unfortunately, everyone will experience at least one major loss in their lifetimes, and many of us will have many more.

So, what is a loss? Well, it is a significant event that effects your everyday existence. Unfortunate things that force us into unfamiliar territory. We can’t control everything, no matter how hard we try, and fairness is an illusion. Loss will touch everyone, regardless of ethnic background, faith and whether you are a good person or not.

The universe of loss does not discriminate. If you are married, it will always end in divorce or death. Every career comes to an end, voluntarily or not. Every relationship is temporary, and aging is inevitable.

So, how can you navigate your future after a loss?

Well, first, believe me when I tell you that your perceptions will define your expectations of your new life and yourself. When we suffer a major loss, the first question is “Why me?” and the answer is always, “Why not you?” The reality is that very few things in life are fair or warranted and, no matter how much you insulate and protect yourself, you are still prone to the injustices of humanity and the frailty of our existence.

I have never been able to control the losses in my life and there have been many. But one thing I have learned is that we can control our attitudes towards those events. Of course, it takes time to work through the grief of a major loss, but you can always choose how to respond. Acting on those choices helps us to heal, or at least cope, with what has happened. You must choose to be a survivor.

Becoming a survivor is a conscious decision. Survivors take responsibility for their futures and face challenges head on. Remaining a victim forces you to be controlled by fear, doubt, and frustration, which always lead to more negative. Grief begins with loss, but it can end with the discovery of new life. I have found there’s a positive side to grief. Those who can work through a loss are often surprised years later when they realize they have become much stronger. I believe we all have more strength of character than we think.