Till death us do part

Crescentwood

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/07/2025 (255 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Live and let live. But first write your own obit. There’s that moment of mortality that hits one right where it hurts. That moment when you delete a dearly loved deceased friend from your contact list. Something not on most bucket lists.

I came of age reading Erma Bombeck. Discovering that she began her literary career writing obits for a newspaper cinched it for me. Little did I know back then that I’d be helping folks write their farewells. It all started innocently enough when my mother resided at a senior’s residence where she attended a writing group. It wasn’t until then that I learned she’d won an award for a history essay she’d written in Grade 12. That revelation was the beginning of Optimistic Obits, a free service I provide to octogenarians who want to tell their story their way. I read the Free Press obits faithfully every Saturday morning and those writing their own obits are few and far between.

Death Cafes really got people talking and learning about the inevitable. Likewise, the news makes one appreciate life. Two Canadians who have written about learning from death are Winnipegger Germaine Dechant and Tamara Macpherson Vukusic from Kamloops, B.C.

From twenty years of reading obits, Vukusic penned Obittersweet, Life Lessons from Obituaries. Dechant wrote from personal experience about her journey helping a friend exit this world in her book, True to the End, A Journey Into the Burdens and Risks of Executorship.

What is clear to me is that one’s stories are to be saved and treasured. Those who grew up with 8-tracks and microfiche have histories worth preserving and lessons for future generations. Obits have morphed into literary portraits. How we paint that picture is the challenge.

Death notices as they are often called began in the 16th century with a minimalist presentation of just dates of birth, death and cause of death. Over time obits included photos, poems and quotes. With print newspapers now facing their own mortality, we have digital salvation. As the number of Boomers increase exponentially obits are their last chance to be in control. Ancestors and skeletons, organ donations and living wills all have a role to play.

Today’s obits invite spouses, children, pets, hobbies and careers into the tribute homilies. Putting your affairs in order can have vastly different meanings. Activist and Poet Andrea Gibson’s recent obit mentions four ex-girlfriends.

Vukusic uses the obits as teaching tools by asking questions after each of her choice selections. Those questions are springboards to take excerpts from one life lived and transpose them into the reader’s reality. She asks “How do you want others to remember you? You may be surprised at how your answer shapes the days, months and years ahead of you.”

Dechant makes the legalese world of representation agreements, funeral or no funeral, green burial or cremation, probate, obit or no obit, and hopefully a will as duties of executor into a human interest story. CRA, clearance certificates, notice of assessment, beneficiaries, assets, death certificate, death benefits, the deceased’s on-line presence and accounts become the executor’s vocabulary. Dechant says, “Diligence and attention to details are the executor’s best friends.” There can be surprises as happened with Dechant, when executors often learn about things friends of fifty years never shared.

Make the most of every day, dear reader, for there’s no getting out of this alive.