Fred’s story of struggle and redemption

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/11/2018 (2731 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

 

Real-life stories still have happy endings. Even when it looks impossible.

 

That’s what I learned from an Anishinabe man last week, as we met over coffee. It was a wonderful honour to hear his story.

The story itself was not so wonderful. Fred (not his real name) moved constantly as a child due to his father’s work. Although he never attended a residential school, his experiences as the “new kid”, and the “native kid” were horrific. Relentless bullying (lineups to beat him up) and name-calling (“savage,” “wagon-burner,” “chief”) were the norm. He occasionally won a fight or the respect of a few boys with his soccer skills, but school was mostly a painful place.

It got worse. One summer, when he was 11, he experienced trauma that would alter his life dramatically. An older boy on his reserve lured him away from his group of friends, sadistically sexually assaulted him, and threatened to kill him if he told anyone. When Fred got back to the group, he tried to tell two of his friends. The first was kind of quiet. The second laughed, and Fred shut down for the next 37 years.

Thirty seven years. Of shame. Paranoia. Fear. Anger. All of which he tried to suppress. As a result, he failed as a father and husband.

When his marriage ended, Fred sought recovery but for four years he couldn’t work. He was offered jobs, showed up, then froze and walked away. He started dating but the same issues surfaced.

At a retreat, a woman spoke and he admired her from afar. Eventually they got together but one day his anger made an appearance. She immediately recognized something had happened to him in the past, and said, “Tell me.” 

Fred told her the story in great detail and thus began his healing journey. 

She advised him that “you can tell on him… tell the RCMP”. 

So Fred did and the search for his abuser began. 

Not long after they married, his wife told Fred to “forgive him”. 

He didn’t know how. God said, “I’ll show you. Trust me”. It took a while but one day, Fred looked at his wife and said, “I forgive him”. That very same day, his abuser died in a car accident.

Forgiveness unveiled his gifts in writing, poetry, storytelling, song-writing, speaking, and singing — all of which he enjoys now that he is retired.

His advice to anyone going through what he did, is this — tell someone and don’t give up until you find someone who can help. When we are carrying a heavy load, we need someone to come alongside us to bear the burden. For Fred, it was his wife and his faith that saw him through. Keeping a sense of humour and being active also helped.  

Through supportive people and faith in God, he was able to forgive, heal, and move forward. The memories and scars are still there, but he is thriving now, in all of life.

 Happy endings are still possible and I’m thankful for this reminder.

 

Sonya Braun is a community correspondent for the North End. You can contact her at sonyajoy@gmail.com