Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.
Please send your questions and comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Recent articles of Miss Lonelyhearts
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a hair fetish. But, I recently got “too lucky” if there is such a thing. I started seeing two women with the perfectly coloured, very long hair.
I thought everything was going great — luckiest guy in the world. Then they met each other through a common sporting interest, and immediately started talking, because frankly, they look like twins.
The talk turned to boyfriends, and I was outed. Why? I have a fetish that involves me brushing it and playing with a specific colour and type of long hair, in a certain way.
I quickly heard from the one with a temper, who told me to “Go date a wig!” which was unnecessarily rude. Everybody has a type of beauty they’re attracted to, right?
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend recently helped his best friend cover up an affair, and I am so grossed out after learning of his part in that. My guy doesn’t think it’s a big deal, because, as he says: “I’d never do that to you, and I want you to know that.”
I just can’t believe he was capable of lying to a number of people, including friends of his and mine, to help his creep friend! How do I get through to him about how wrong this is? He seems to think lying is fine — just so long as it’s not to me, as if that’s some special status I’ve earned.
That makes me wonder what life would be like down the road, if my status was lowered because he’s mad at me. Am I overreacting, or should I break it off with him?
— Allergic to Liars, Osborne Village
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently found out one of my friends has been very quietly dating my ex-girlfriend. I guess I shouldn’t care, but I feel betrayed on some level. He should know better — but I should also have seen this coming. He’s exactly the kind of guy who dates his friends’ exes. He’s shy and doesn’t meet women on his own, but talks a lot to his friends’ girlfriends when we’re out as a group.
I left him out of the most recent hangout at my place, and now my other friends are asking about it, guessing the real issue. Should I just get over it, or are my feelings legit?
— Friend or Foe? North End
Dear Friend or Foe: Once you dump a person — you probably don’t want them around anymore. But they are free agents to say and do what they want, and to date freely. Anybody else who might want to ask them out — even a friend of yours — is OK to do that.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart broke in a million pieces when my fiancé told me he no longer wanted to marry me, although he “will always love and respect me.” What crap! We broke up.
He stayed out of sight and “respected” me for six more weeks, and then he showed up in public with his new girlfriend at a music event I attended. The truth was out.
She looked vaguely familiar from music events. My best friend pointed out this was his ex, with a radical new haircut. I went into shock. Now she’s back, and I hear he’s going to start to play in her own new band. He’ll also be back with his bad music-scene friends.
It hurts me so much! He had quit music and heavy partying, and swore he’d love me forever and said we’d get married and have kids together. The whole package! What really happened? I’m sick of the lies and excuses people feed me.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My old boyfriend heard through the grapevine I’d left my husband. He showed up a bit tipsy on my doorstep on Halloween night. He was wearing his signature baseball cap with a long white fake beard and a little sign around his neck that said “Old Boyfriend.” Pretty funny! I let the fool in.
Along with his guitar, he brought a bottle of my favourite wine, so we ended up having some laughs. Then he played a song he’d written for me. It was obvious he’d missed me a lot and the song contained a “love of my life” reference. He had been the love of my young life, but he drank way too much — every single day. Obviously, he hasn’t stopped drinking, which was OK for one night of memories and fun. I must confess I let him stay late.
Somehow it got back to my ex-husband that he’d come to see me and he phoned me to accuse me of having a long-standing affair with the guy, saying that’s what must have broken us up. Not at all! My husband’s inability to keep a job and grow up led to the end of our marriage.
My old boyfriend who showed up is a classic “Peter Pan” type, just like my ex-husband. How come I always end up with immature men who don’t want to grow up? Am I somehow the problem?
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This is in regard to “Bad Dresser.” (He’s 18, claims he’s “pudgy,” and only wears jeans, T-shirts and big jackets — but desperately wants to buy clothes that suit him better. —Miss L.)
I mentioned to my daughter that some clothing companies use plus-sized male models now, and she showed me something on Instagram about one. Zach Miko is the model’s name. I googled him too, and found lots of stuff. The guy gives great advice to plus-sized men, and definitely can show “Bad Dresser” how to rock the jeans, T-shirt and big-jacket look.
— Dad Bod, Manitoba
Dear Dad Bod: If “Bad Dresser” wants a pictorial guide to take for his shopping spree, he can definitely google this “brawn” model Zach Miko, and he’ll see plenty of great clothing on him, looking fantastic. Miko is not shy anymore, and even models bathing suits that suit him. Thanks to you and your daughter for this great idea.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My competitive instincts were aroused by the letter from “Extremely Old Guy” on the subject of generous gift-giving to loved ones.
As you know, I was first to write, and I signed that first letter “Really Old Guy.” I will be 90 in a few weeks, in addition to being happily married for over 64 years. The other guy writing in was in his 80s with a wonderful marriage that has passed the 55-year mark.
I’ve always made a point of “gifting.” I don’t think age has much to do with how you treat people you care about, but if our generation can give good advice to younger ones, that’s all to the good.
If you decide to publish this, you might sign me off as “Older Than Extremely Old Guy” or perhaps “On Behalf of All Old Guys.”
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writing about the man kept out of the loop, who found out about a conspiracy of his live-in girlfriend to leave him if he doesn’t propose. He has every right to feel angry and betrayed! This woman wanted the old-fashioned proposal, but not the “living apart until marriage” tradition.
It’s impossible to know which old-fashioned values she likes and which she doesn’t, unless she shares this information with him!
As someone who was blindsided like this guy, my advice to him is to be the “dumper” and not the “dumpee.” Mature women who are able to articulate their wants and needs, do exist. He doesn’t need to be with someone who doesn’t respect him enough to be honest.
— Found a Mature Woman, Crestview
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother has just sent us off to university out of province. She was adamant my sister and I went outside Winnipeg “for a bigger world experience.” I found out the truth last week. She has moved her “girlfriend” in with her — into our family home! Who knew our mom was hiding a lesbian affair? She broke up with Dad years ago.
My sister and I are roomies at university, and we phoned our Dad.
“Yes, I’ve known for years,” he said. “I thought your mom would at least tell you, before she moved a serious girlfriend into the house.” I asked him how many girlfriends Mom had since they split up. He said, “I don’t know. Maybe two or three.”
I feel like I don’t even know my own life history now! And, how do we go “home” to visit? We don’t even know this woman, and we also found out she’s only eight or 10 years older than us.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-wife has moved back to Winnipeg — a nightmare come true. She’s back in the our same general neighbourhood, about 10 or so streets away from me. That means she’ll be using the same stores, gas stations and restaurants — and I’m bound to run into her.
I don’t want to talk to her, but she’ll try to communicate with me. She still owes me tons of money I will never see, because she can never keep a job. She’s a drinker and a gambler.
I’m feeling so anxious and upset. How do I handle it when we inevitably run into one another, which will be soon — because I bet she’ll try to make it happen!
— Scared of Seeing Her, North End
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I love to dance and we’ve been invited to a big Halloween bash with many old friends. He can’t wait to go, but I think it’s going to be a COVID super-spreader!
There will be a DJ and I love to dance and party, and my guy loves to drink and have me drive him home safely. So, apparently, we’re going to go, and damn the consequences, says my man! That means we need safe-as-possible costumes. What are your suggestions to keep us safer?
— Afraid of COVID Consequences, St. Boniface
Dear Afraid: You’ll need costumes with a natural mask, like a cowgirl/cowboy duo with bandanas, or maybe full-face ghost costumes made out of sheets. There will be rubber masks on sale everywhere last-minute, although they can get quite hot when dancing, as the mouth is just a slit in the rubber.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a woman who went to jail for a short time when I was young. I learned my lesson and have been clean ever since. I’ve had no more problems with substance abuse, and the crime it got me into.
I don’t tell friends here about my past, because they don’t need to know. That was a long time ago in another province, and I’ve been sober and employed for many years.
I never got married though — I guess I’ve been married to my secret. I can’t seem to let any man close enough to me that I’d have to tell them. I never wanted to see the disillusioned look on a guy’s face when I told him about my younger life.
It happened so long ago for me that it is buried, except when I think I might feel forced to tell someone. Then, it’s all I can think about, and it messes everything up.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend has a “sex song.” I’m not kidding! He has a song he plays every single time we have sex. He kept it secret for the first few months, but now he guilts me into letting him play it by pouting when I want to skip it.
I really like this man, but I’m starting to be turned off in the bedroom. What is in his head that he needs this song every time? Am I not enough?
— Sick of the Song and Dance, Elmwood
Dear Sick of the Song: When people are single for a long stretch, they often have a song or a compilation that arouses them. It helps them to have a sex life when they’re all alone.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a new neighbour. I always celebrate Halloween in the last two weeks of October, and already have some witches and goblins up in the trees in the yard, with lights.
I overheard a young mother come by with her two young kids when I was raking behind my fence. When one of them commented on the witches in a scared voice, the mom said. “Come away from there. The woman who lives there is a real witch!”
I blew my stack! I walked out and set everybody straight, real quick. The woman backed down, and said she was “Just kidding about the… decorations” but one kid piped up and said, “Nah! Mom thinks you’re a real witch.”
I turned and walked back into the house, and slammed the door. The kid’s as bad as his mother. How do I deal with neighbours who say evil things about me?
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My daughter is crying because I refuse to sew or buy her a third mermaid costume. She grew out of the last two. One is in shreds from playing in it, year-round. She says I am a “mean mommy” and my husband, who is wound around her little finger, agrees with her.
Why can’t she grow up and see that Halloween is about witches and goblins and spooky characters? She is eight years old now, and she has never wanted to be anything but a mermaid on Halloween. I think it’s time to make a change. Who has the problem here?
— Frustrated Mommy, Whyte Ridge
Dear Frustrated Mommy: If this fight is about control, then Momma, you have already won! Your daughter can beg for the mermaid costume, and you can forbid it (unless Dad steps in). But, where does that get you?
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-wife has come back into my life in a very strange way. We divorced in our 20s — with no kids between us, thank God. We were too broke, immature and just plain stupid to raise children.
We both married other people and finally had children. Now those children have met each other through a sport, and they’re hanging out in the same crowd. I wish they wouldn’t. It’s just weird. My present wife thinks it’s “amusing.”
We’ve been invited to the end-of-season windup party at a social hall. Our exes and our children will all be there. What should we do?
— Too Uncomfortable, west Winnipeg
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just got something nasty in the mail. At first, I was excited, as it looked like a personal letter, not a bill. I opened the bigger envelope and it was enclosing another open envelope with a “Dear John” letter in it. it was from me to an old boyfriend!
It’s almost two decades old, and pretty tattered looking. Scrawled on the envelope in red ink was, “Thought you might want to reconsider this.” I read the letter. In it, the younger me had told this guy he was “lazy and a loser, and would never amount to anything!” Apparently, he thought the same of me and we’d been fighting on the phone between Winnipeg and Vancouver around that time.
We are both quite successful and well-known now, in the same creative fields we were just starting off in then.
So now what? Why did he send this stupid thing? Does he want an apology? He’s not going to get one! What should I do? He’s hardly a loser now, and neither am I.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a guy who likes to do the laundry. When I was getting ready to wash our clothes last weekend, I was emptying jeans pockets and came to my wife’s favourite old denim overalls she wears all the time. Shoved down a long pocket, way at the bottom, I found a face torn from an old colour photo.
The guy had carrot-red hair — orange, to be clear. The only guy she and I know of with orange hair is her ex-fiancé. I stole her from him years ago. I happen to know that jerk is living back in town. What I don’t know, is why she’d have a tiny photo of him in the overalls she was wearing in the last two weeks! The guy’s a big loser, and lost her by being a snake and cheating on her.
I don’t know how to handle this. It’s possible the picture had been down in her overalls pocket for years, but I sincerely doubt it! Please help.
— Her Upset Husband, Wolseley
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My sweetheart drools when she sleeps, and it’s getting disgusting. I thought I could handle it, but I touched her pillow in the morning while making the bed, and it was all wet.
I was just so grossed out. I have no idea what to do about this, but I’m disgusted. I don’t want to hurt my soulmate by telling her about it, since obviously this wouldn’t be happening if she could control it.
—Yucky Situation, downtown
Dear Yucky: A quick fix for drooling is sleeping on one’s back — but that’s easier said than done. If a drooler automatically rolls to one side while asleep, nothing is accomplished.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently told my sons, who are in their early 20s, how my will is planned out. Now they are fighting. They’re upset about everything — who gets what and how much, who gets the family house and so on. It is unreal how immature they are behaving and every time they visit, it ends in a big fight.
I’m sick of it and I told them if they kept this up they would get nothing and everything will go to charity. That kept them quiet for a week, but now they are back to fighting. I have read this is common, but I don’t know who to turn to. I don’t want to involve a lawyer as that will cost money.
— Father of Three, St. Vital
Dear Father of Three: There’s an excellent reason why wills get read out after a person dies. Instead, you wanted to play ‘god’ and witness your power over your three sons to see their reactions before you were gone.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a trivial attraction to the same sex. I never mentioned it to my wife. I thought, “Why rock the boat over something so infrequent and so unimportant?” Once in a long while, it comes to something — like when I’m away on business and drop in at a gay club and meet someone. That’s it — maybe a few times a year.
This did not change my feelings about my excellent marriage in the least, so I didn’t think it was important enough to share it with my wife. But recently, I came home from a trip — and my wife knew. She’d been cleaning out our over-stuffed clothes closets while I was away, and found a note from a guy from one of my trips, in a pocket in an old pair of my pants.
It was a flirty note and referred to the night before and the night he was looking forward to, and was signed with his first name — definitely masculine. God knows why I didn’t rip it into a million pieces when I was away. I just forgot about it.
My wife yelled, “This changes everything!”
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m living with two roommates after having shared a home with a woman for four years. I can’t help feel like I’m a failure, and now I’m paying for it. The ugly truth is I’m in my late 30s and I got dumped for drinking too much. I must admit this has happened once before.
I’m trying to work on my drinking, but it just feels like, what is the point? No woman wants to visit a guy in his late 30s with two roommates. What do guys my age do to get back their lives? I sure as hell don’t know.
— Blew it Again! Osborne Village
Dear Blew It: “Trying” to work on quitting the demon booze isn’t enough.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My 10-year-old daughter thinks she’s a royal princess. She’s gone through every TV and online show about the queen’s funeral 10 times. She says she’d be a better princess than anybody. I believe her!
The other day, she gave her teenage sister (a pushover) some money from her piggy bank to buy a bunch of magazines about the queen’s funeral. She read some alarmingly raunchy stuff about the royals and their past exploits.
Now, my little girl is too well-versed on what nasty things happened, particularly with Diana and Charles, leading up to her death in the tunnel with Dodi Al Fayed. She is shocked! We can’t undo what our daughter knows, but how do we as parents deal with this kind of upsetting “adult” knowledge in our kid’s young brain?
— Worried Parents of Canadian Princess, Tuxedo
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I wish my husband had told me he was having an affair, and that’s why he was leaving. Instead, he told me I had a problem he couldn’t fix in a million years. “You’re terminally boring!” he yelled at me, and slammed out the front door. I will never forget that phrase as long as I live.
I gave everything up of personal interest to me when I married a wealthy man. I remember he said before the wedding, like he was offering me a big gift: “You can quit your job now, and look after me!” I thought he was making a cute little joke. Ha!
We had a big, fancy wedding, with mostly his friends invited. Of course, he insisted on paying for it all, instead of letting my parents do it. My family knew hardly anybody at our wedding. That should have been a warning sign that I’d end up feeling bought and paid for — and cut off from middle-class people, like my folks.
In our marriage, my husband was very demanding. He wanted a big, perfect house, well-kept children, fancy meals and dinner parties for his friends — all without hiring outside help. He also wanted sex whenever he desired it. I felt like an unpaid servant, in fancy clothes.