Face to face with his father’s killer

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This article was published 04/07/2017 (3046 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

He was face-to-face with the man who murdered his father. And Ricky Strongquill says his first instinct was to reach out and offer a handshake, which eventually turned into a hug.

Such was the scene that played out late last month in a Langley, B.C., prison, where Strongquill had travelled from Winnipeg to meet Robert Sand.

“It was amazing. I just felt liberated,” Strongquill, 36, told the Free Press on Tuesday. He first publicly shared his desire to forgive Sand in a Free Press story in May, revealing how he reached out to the prisoner about three years ago with an unsolicited letter. That triggered a number of back-and-forth messages that set the stage for their in-person visit.

“He was pretty emotional. I think it was harder for him than it was for me to be in that meeting. I could tell Robert was a little bit nervous,” said Strongquill. “He told me he still feels shame for what he did, that he still wears that shame. I told him that with me, he doesn’t have to feel all that.”

Strongquill said they spent about four hours together, discussing many of the items they’d previously written to each other about, including their families and how their vastly different paths in life had come to collide. But Strongquill said there was no talk — at his insistence — about what happened on that Manitoba highway back in December 2001 that would forever alter their lives.

“I just told him I don’t need to know why, that we don’t need to bring all that stuff up from the past,” said Strongquill. “We talked for a good long time. We got to know each other. It was low-key and pretty laid back.”

Dennis Strongquill, 52, was gunned down near Russell after a routine traffic stop just days before Christmas. Inside the other vehicle was Robert Sand, his brother Danny Sand and Robert’s girlfriend, Laurie Bell. The trio were making their way across the Prairies after committing a string of crimes in Alberta and Saskatchewan. They had several stolen guns in their possession, which Robert turned on Strongquill in the deadly ambush.

Danny was killed days later by a police sniper who was staked out on the roof of a Saskatchewan motel, while Robert and his girlfriend would give themselves up to face justice. Robert was convicted of first-degree murder following a jury trial in Brandon and given a life sentence with no chance at parole until 2026. He was the one who pulled the trigger and killed Strongquill. Bell was found guilty of manslaughter for encouraging the attack and being along for the ride. She was ultimately sentenced to 10 years behind bars, which she completed in 2011.

Ricky said he lived with plenty of anger and hatred towards his father’s killers for years — something he attributes to leading him on a downward spiral in the years that followed that includes drug and alcohol abuse that nearly cost him his own life.

He describes himself as a “ticking time bomb” who finally decided to face his demons — which included coming to grips with what happened to his father. In order to move forward, he decided to reach out to Sand through his letter. He initially didn’t tell his five siblings.

His first letter was forwarded to Sand through David Gustafson, executive director of the Community Justice Initiatives Association in British Columbia. The organization works with families of crime victims and offenders who are open to a restorative justice approach as part of the healing process.

Sand eventually responded with an emotional letter of his own in February 2014, expressing remorse for what he’d done and commending Strongquill for his stance.

“You and I have a couple things in common I noticed after reading your letter,” Sand wrote in that initial reply to Ricky. “I also haven’t missed a single day without thinking of your father, my brother and everything that happened in those dark days. I’ve lived a life of many regrets but the loss of our loved ones and the widespread trauma I caused is by far my biggest.”

Additional letters followed and Strongquill uses the word “friendship” to describe what he now has with Sand. His sister, Teresa, eventually followed his lead and wrote her own letter of forgiveness to Sand, then went to visit him in person in March 2016. Other siblings have not been as supportive.

When their visit last month was over, Sand handed Strongquill a bracelet to take home with him. They promised to keep in touch, including plans for another visit.

“I said it’s like we’re becoming friends here, ultimately helping one another to heal,” said Strongquill. His life is now in much better order as he is in a full-time relationship and set to graduate from the culinary arts program at Red River College. He’s also been sober for more than a year.

Throughout the process, he’s often worried about what his father might think. He’s always come back to the conclusion that he believes Dennis would be proud. Strongquill said that feeling was confirmed after leaving the B.C. prison and stopping in a nearby park adjoining a lake to process what had occurred.

An eagle, perched on a rock eating a fish, was staring at him. HIs father’s traditional name had been “Eagle Man.”

“I got that surge of emotion. I felt like my dad’s spirit was around me,” he said.

mike.mcintyre@freepress.mb.ca Twitter: @mikeoncrime