Scare yourself silly

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/10/2017 (2875 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

There are only three sleeps left until Halloween and all you little devils know exactly what that means, don’t you?

It means it’s time to look in the mirror and ask yourselves a terrifying question: am I ready to rock on Oct. 31?

Well, Scaredy Cats, are you? Ha ha ha! The truth is, we don’t care about your answer because we know there is no (bad word) way you are prepared for the big Fright Night.

That’s because there are still miniature candy bars to buy for the legion of trick-or-treaters headed your way, embarrassing costumes to whip up for the kids and yourselves and pumpkins that are definitely not going to carve themselves.

In case you haven’t noticed, Halloween is still a big deal around these parts. In fact, according to a national poll conducted by Insights West that explored all aspects of the holiday, Manitobans are more likely than other Canadians to send their kids out trick-or-treating.

The poll found 37 per cent of parents with kids in the Manitoba-Saskatchewan region plan to send their little ghouls out to collect goodies on Halloween night, well above the national average of 23 per cent.

Manitobans also know how to get in the mood for the big night, with 37 per cent in the region — a first-place tie with Atlantic Canada — saying they plan to watch a scary movie, compared to the national average of 33 per cent.

But what horrifying flick to watch? Well, if you want your pants scared off, check out the gruesome offerings on today’s spine-tingling list of the Top Five Scary Movies of All Time:

 

5) The Haunting (1963)

The spine-tingling synopsis: Just to be clear, we are talking about the old black-and-white film, not the incredibly cheesy 1999 remake starring Liam Neeson. In the original, a paranormal investigator learns of an old, eerie mansion in New England with a lurid history of violent death and insanity, so, naturally, he decides to conduct an experiment there. Accompanying him are the emotionally fragile Eleanor Lance (Julie Harris), a lonely withdrawn woman who comes to believe the house is calling to her, and the worldly Theodora (Claire Bloom), a mysterious one-named woman with remarkable ESP powers.

They are joined by the skeptical Luke, who stands to inherit the house and tags along for laughs. Weird stuff — hideous screeching, thunderous pounding — starts happening almost immediately. The movie relies on psychological scares instead of over-the-top special effects. As each moment in the spooky house becomes more terrifying than the last, we learn the spirits of the house have their sights set on claiming Eleanor as one of their own.

The creepiest moment: For the record, this bit scared the daylights out of us when we were just a kid. One night, Theo moves into Eleanor’s room and they fall asleep in the same bed. Eleanor awakens to creepy voices in the dark and asks Theo to hold her hand, which she feels being crushed. When Eleanor cries out, Theo awakens and turns on the light, which is when Eleanor learns she has moved from the bed to the couch and Theo WAS NOT THE ONE SQUEEZING HER HAND. EEK!

What the critics said: It opened to tepid box office but is now considered a cult classic. The Guardian ranked it as the 13th best horror movie of all time. “The fear is all in the details,” the newspaper said. “It might not have much in the way of competition, but The Haunting is almost definitely the film with the most unsettling static shot of masonry in all of cinema history.”

 

4) The Shining (1980)

The spine-tingling synopsis: It was directed by the legendary Stanley Kubrick and based on the 1977 novel of the same name written by horror master Stephen King. The film centres on Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson), an aspiring writer and recovering alcoholic who accepts the position of winter caretaker at the isolated historic Overlook Hotel in the Colorado Rockies.

Jack settles in to the sprawling but empty hotel along with his wife, Wendy (Shelley Duvall), and five-year-old son, Danny (Danny Lloyd), who possesses “the shining,” psychic abilities that allow him to see the hotel’s gory, horrific past. Jack is hoping to cure his writer’s block, but fails miserably while Danny’s visions become more disturbing. Naturally, the hotel had a previous winter caretaker who went crazy and killed his wife and two daughters.

So we watch as Jack becomes a homicidal maniac bent on terrorizing his family. Will Danny’s special talents help him survive the ghosts and his father’s madness? We’re not saying.

The creepiest moment: What we are talking about here is the single scariest moment in movie history. That’s not just our opinion; it’s the opinion of scientists who polled 10,000 viewers to find the 10 most frightening films, then used heart monitors to find which scenes delivered the biggest chills. The most frightening scene is the one wherein Jack is chopping down a bathroom door with an axe to get to his family, then thrusts his creepy face through the hole and screams: “HEEEERE’S JOHNNY!” It made pulses jump by 28.2 per cent. Nicholson ad-libbed the iconic line in tribute to Ed McMahon of Tonight Show fame.

What the critics said: This one also had a mixed opening, but is now considered among the greatest horror films of all time. Gushed a reviewer on the film site Rotten Tomatoes: “One of the best scary movies ever made, one of the best scary movies even imaginable.” 

 

3) Psycho (1960)

 

The spine-tingling synopsis: Most of you already know everything there is to know about this iconic film, including the fact it is arguably legendary director Alfred Hitchcock’s finest hour, but we’ll share a few tidbits with you anyway. It begins with Phoenix secretary Marion Crane (Janet Leigh), who is fed up with her life and steals $40,000 from her employer before going on the lam.

Tired after a long drive and caught in a storm, she heads off the main highway and pulls into the remote Bates Motel, which is managed by a quietly creepy young man called Norman (Anthony Perkins) who appears to be dominated by his mother.

Look, you already know what happens to Janet Leigh’s character, but it takes a while before we discover that (SPOILER ALERT) Norman is actually his own mother in the sense that he killed her years ago, kept her mummified corpse in the cellar and now occasionally dresses in her clothes, talks in her voice, and, of course, kills people while in the grip of the “Mother” personality.

The creepiest moment: As you already know, Marion has dinner with Norman, decides to return the stolen loot, then takes a shower, which is when a shadowy figure comes in and stabs her to death with a chef’s knife. It is considered one of the best-known and most iconic scenes in film history. Shot with 77 different camera angles, it runs three minutes and included 50 cuts.

So about a third of the way through the film, the star and the viewer’s main point of reference is brutally murdered. “And for film scholars, it really was as if the knife had slashed through the movie, torn through the screen, and carved out a rupture in pop culture that scholars and fans are still peering into, wide-eyed,” gushed Maclean’s magazine. It’s the focus of a documentary by film-maker Alexandre O. Philippe, who calls it “probably the most iconic scene in the history of movies.”

What the critics said: Opined the legendary critic Roger Ebert: “What makes Psycho immortal, when so many films are already half-forgotten as we leave the theatre, is that it connects directly with our fears …” The Guardian has called it the greatest horror film of all time. “After half a century of terror, Psycho is still ensuring that no one feels safe in the shower,” the paper shivers.

 

2) The Omen (1976)

 

The spine-tingling synopsis: American diplomat Robert Thorn (Gregory Peck) is in a Roman hospital as his wife, Katherine (Lee Remick), gives birth to a boy, who, we are told, died moments after being born. The hospital chaplain persuades Robert to adopt an orphan whose mother died at the same time, and he agrees, but doesn’t reveal this secret to his wife. The kid is named Damien and the family relocates to Great Britain, where horrific stuff begins to happen, such as Damien’s nanny publicly hanging herself at his fifth birthday party. Toss in a scary Rottweiler and the fact zoo animals are terrified of this kid, and you get a bad feeling. A Catholic priest tries repeatedly to warn the ambassador that his adopted son isn’t human and ends up being impaled and killed by a lightning rod thrown from the roof of a church during a sudden storm. A lot more terrible stuff happens and Robert, after finding the boy’s “666” birthmark, realizes the child he took from the Italian hospital is evil incarnate, the Antichrist. So he frantically drives the boy to a church, where he’s going to kill him on an altar, but a police officer who noticed his erratic driving shoots him. We end on a funeral for Robert and his wife, where his brother, who happens to the president of the United States, is now the adoptive father of Damien. Now if only his new dad was Donald Trump.

The creepiest moment: In 2004, Bravo counted down the 100 scariest movie moments, and one scene from The Omenappeared at No. 16. It’s the scene in which Mrs. Baylock, a new nanny who arrived unannounced to replace the nanny who killed herself, persuades a nurse to allow her access to Katherine, who is heavily sedated and under police protection. The new nanny pushes her out the hospital window, where she lands on the roof of an ambulance.

What the critics said: Chirped Britain’s The Telegraph newspaper: “Much scarier than fellow possessed child flick The Exorcist, which predated it by three years, The Omen contains some of the most memorable untimely deaths in cinema history.”

 

1) The Exorcist (1973)

 

The spine-tingling synopsis: How scary was this one? Well here’s what Reader’s Digest recalls: “Audiences were so affected by this fearsome film that some theatres even provided Exorcist barf bags.” The story involves actress Chris McNeil (Ellen Burstyn), whose 12-year-old daughter, Regan (Linda Blair), begins acting, um, strangely. We’re talking swearing like a sailor, speaking in tongues and being tied to her bed, which ends up floating in the air. When medical science fails to explain the terrifying occurrences, mom reaches out to Father Karras, a Roman Catholic priest, to see whether an exorcism might be the solution. A modern man, Karras is reluctant, but the church eventually agrees to call in the aging Father Lankester Merrin (Max von Sydow), who has previously come face to face with the demon in an exorcism. The priests wage an epic battle with the demon possessing the young girl and, in the end, Karras compels the evil entity to enter his body, then, in a moment of self-sacrifice, flings himself out the window to his death. Regan is saved and, at film’s end, kisses another priest on the cheek.

The creepiest moment: We don’t have to tell you, but this one will leave your head spinning. Literally. On Bravo’s list of the 100 scariest movie moments, this one ranked No. 3. It’s the scene wherein the two priests are fighting to save Regan’s soul and the demon inside the little girl shows its power by spinning the child’s head in a complete 360-degree turn. Recalls Reader’s Digest: “Terrible, terrible things come out of a little girl’s mouth (which happens to be attached to a spinning head, thanks to demonic possession).” No one who saw this (including this columnist) could ever eat pea soup again.

What the critics said: This masterpiece of terror tops many online lists of the scariest films. Said a reviewer for The Guardian: “For the two hours you’re watching that movie, you know you’re alive. In fact, The Exorcist, which became infamous for reports of faintings and hysteria among viewers, is one of only two films that I have ever seen knock someone out — literally.” 

As the curtain drops on today’s column, we realize many of you would have picked an altogether different list of scary movies, to which we say… OHMYGAWD WHAT’S THAT CREEPING UP BEHIND YOU???

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca