Pickles and bananas take bite out of crime

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/01/2020 (2423 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

As regular readers are already aware, I have written a number of times about my intense passion for pickles and my unbreakable bond with bananas.

There are multiple reasons for my infatuation with these two foodstuffs, but I suppose it’s mostly because they possess the important quality of being delicious.

Fascinating Pickle Fact: Not only did Cleopatra attribute her beauty to a diet of pickles, but Julius Caesar fed them to his troops because he believed they imbued them with physical and spiritual strength.

Fascinating Banana Fact: We puny humans share about 50 per cent of our DNA with the humble banana.

But I am feeling compelled to write about this dynamic duo today not because they are fun to eat, but because they seem to be gaining a reputation as crime-fighters. (In the case of pickles, I suppose, they might be considered brine-fighters.)

I made this vital discovery earlier this week when I read a number of thrilling online news reports about a heroic Georgia jewelry store owner who fought off a pack of brazen thieves by belting them with a bag full of pickle jars.

What happened was the owner of the store was out getting lunch when four thieves armed with hammers raided the store and began smashing jewelry cases and stealing the contents.

“They had hammers and were breaking everything and grabbed Rolexes,” one witness told a TV station in Sandy Springs, Ga.

When the owner, who did not want to be named, returned from lunch, he saw the robbery in progress, and went on the attack, walloping the bad guys in the face with the only weapon he had on hand — a plastic bag filled with pickle jars.

“He hit them with three bottles of pickles and I pretty much grabbed him and subdued him until the cops came,” another witness said of intervening and helping overtake the robbers.

The pickle-jar-wielding owner was seen on security video pinning one of the hapless robbers on the ground until police arrived while the other three thieves sped away from the scene. They have since been arrested and are in custody, police say.

It was a jarring experience for these pathetic smash-and-grab hoodlums, but they should remember to pickle someone their own size. OK, I apologize for those lame puns, but that is not the point.

The point is that pickles — or at least the containers in which they are sold — helped thwart a crime in progress, a crime that made headlines around the world because most people relish reading about evil-doers being foiled by items that are more commonly found in sandwiches than in security systems.

As a crusading newspaper columnist, I can safely say that the storeowner and his pickle jars are part of a trend wherein businesspeople are protecting their livelihoods by bashing burglars with things that are packed with vitamins as opposed to bullets.

When I read about the pickle-jar caper, for example, the first thing that popped into my mind was an insightful column I wrote last year inspired by a Mississauga, Ont., convenience store owner who made headlines for using a bunch of bananas to batter a burglar trying to rob her business.

According to dozens of breathless news reports, 69-year-old Seungae Kim, who co-owns the store with her husband, Iksoo Kim, was behind the counter last year, innocently eating a banana, when a man walked in with his face covered and demanded she open the cash register.

When she told him, “You’re not getting money,” the bad guy tried to vault the counter to get to the till. Which is when Seungae sprang into action.

In the heat of the moment, she couldn’t think of anything other than trying to find a weapon she could use to defend her husband. Conveniently, a bunch of bananas was within reach, so she started hitting the man until he stopped climbing the counter, and then bolted.

“I had to do something, so I reached for whatever was there,” the feisty storeowner told the Toronto Star at the time. “I hit him hard with the bananas and he ran away.”

I have watched security video of this incident online and the senior bashed the suspect with bananas until he retreated and then she flung a few of the yellow tropical torpedoes at him as he ran out of the store empty-handed. The robber made a nearly fatal mistake — he assumed the owner was ripe for the picking.

Like most of you, I found that story appealing because it’s comforting to know that modern robbers can be defeated by everyday lunch ingredients.

First robber: “Gimme all your cash!”

Second robber: “Look out! She’s got a banana!”

Storeowner: “Make my day, punks!”

Before we go, there is just enough space left to share two late-breaking pickle and banana-related news items.

With Valentine’s Day just over two weeks away, you will be interested to hear that the newest trend for demonstrating true love is to hand out pickle bouquets as opposed to a dozen roses.

“Traditionally, people get flowers and chocolates for their loved ones, but that can get boring real fast,” chirped Helena Martin of moms.com. “With a bouquet of some sour and salty goodness, your partner is sure to feel your love this V-Day.”

Finally, according to Canadian Running magazine, earlier this month, Jordan Maddocks of Salt Lake City, Utah, set the world record for the fastest marathon run by someone dressed as a fruit. Maddocks ran a marathon in Arizona in 2:41:27 — while wearing a bright-yellow banana costume.

In other words, when he heard the starter’s whistle, the banana split.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca