Journey to Fernie

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/08/2023 (847 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Instead of staying on the Trans-Canada Highway to find respite in the Rockies, we veered southwestward at Medicine Hat onto the Crowsnest Highway. I looked forward to stirring things up because I make a great crow call – although Margie reacts with “What was THAT?”

At the town of Bow Island, Alberta, the world’s biggest bean, 5.5-meter-tall Pinto MacBean wears an orange cowboy hat, boots, and gloves – with a sidearm. Further on, Taber’s museum explains the area’s conspicuous reliance on irrigation. North America’s longest, highest railway bridge at Lethbridge spans the Leth River. Kidding. It spans the Oldman River whose waters eventually flow into Lake Winnipeg. In some ways, Canada is smaller than you think.

Deriving its name from coal company official, William Lethbridge, Alberta’s third-largest city teems with orange e-scooters and e-bikes from a curbside rental program. There’s a great restaurant up in an old water tower claiming it takes food “to another level.” And the Holiday Inn houses a fun indoor wave pool, maybe for kids too.

Westward, the Burmis Tree is a long-dead but expressive 700-year-old bald pine supported by braces. We then witnessed the site of 1903’s Frank Slide that crushed over 90 residents in seconds but spared 27-month-old Marion Leitch who was blown onto a hay pile. Bodies lie under scattered boulders.

Crowsnest Pass needs a crow or two – for even a casual conversation. In coal mining country at Sparwood, B.C., a sign claims “The World’s Biggest Truck” – although some trucks are now bigger. It may be the biggest truck of its colour. It’s surely the biggest in Sparwood.

At Fernie, B.C. – population 6,320 – we stayed at a ski and mountain bike resort, adorably called Lizard Creek Lodge. With kitchens, balconies, outdoor pool, and maybe lizards, it houses The Ice Bar – a minus 10-degree ice-encased room with a long ice table where you don parkas to sample vodka in ice glasses. I wondered why Margie got so chilled until I saw the sandals.

Fernie placed #2 in National Geographic’s “World’s 25 Best Ski Towns.” Its Alpine Resort claims the most snow (up to 37 feet!) and most runs (142!) in the Rockies. But Fernie also deserves acclaim as a year-round destination.

At Fernie Brewing I told the taproom host, “We visited six years ago. A Winnipegger started working and we wonder if he’s still here.”

He replied, “That’s me.”

Astonishingly, I asked, “What kept you in Fernie?”

Mike explained, “Fernie’s a friendly, average joe community. In five minutes, there’s snowboarding, skiing, fly-fishing, backcountry camping.”

Margie said to me, “I saw jobs posted I could do.”

And Fernie is hikers’ heaven. Barkside even sells backpacks and cooling vests for dogs. But our Pirate miraculously shakes off all outerwear. Margie calls him “Houdini.”

We trekked for hours along the teal Elk River among evergreens and cottonwoods. And ferns. I remarked, “It’s fern-ie!”

Margie exclaimed, “Let’s hike the Way of St. James!” She’s suggested that excruciating Spanish pilgrimage before. This time I replied, “I’m in! Let’s start from Polo Park, then over to St. James Burger.”

Rafting companies offer white-water thrills or leisurely floats. Bikers thrive on mountain trails with names like Kodiak Karnage and Cats Pyjamas. Rent a bike, take the ski-lift, and descend helped by my friend, gravity. Or e-bike. In winter there’s “cat skiing” Apparently, that’s remote mountain skiing accessed using snowcats. Or it’s cats that ski.

Fernieites claim that a boy, born in a grizzly’s cave, fought off the bear and became a recluse in a grizzly coat. Called “Griz,” he made powdery snow fall by shooting his musket to the clouds. I believe it.

An evening summer shadow on Mt. Hosmer resembles someone on horseback, called “The Ghostrider.” We watched for it from Fernie Golf Club. I lamented, “No sun for a shadow!” Margie retorted, “There’s sun. It’s just behind the clouds.”

Fernieites also insist the mountains depict a St. Bernard, a moccasin, and Griz. I saw a perogy smoking a cigar.

Fernie’s preserved brick-adorned downtown, built after a 1908 fire, offers cool-vibe shops and eateries. Gaze at the surrounding Rockies from patios. Hang onto your delectable Mini-Bear from Le Bon Pain, or newly-discovered cheese from Le Grand Fromage, because the town imposes $250 fines for wildlife attractants. And discover, get this: whimsically painted garbage dumpsters.

At Big Bang Bagels with its sign, “Fancy a quick bang?” join the Wall of Fame by eating Da Bomb – a one-pounder with ham, bacon, egg, avocado, tomato, and cheddar. Chow down faster than the 3-minute, 45-second record and get crowned The Defuser with a $58 refund and t-shirt. The girls’ swim team orders just one Da Bomb to dive into.

Funky Goat Pizza’s yummy Bees Knees is drizzled with honey. Beanpod sells a great chocolate Bear Bar with honeycomb. The Happy Cow concocts popular ice cream including a peanut butter-laced Johnny’s Addiction.

At the Bridge Bistro, I savoured the Nelson-brewed Rhubarbarian, labelled a “fruit ale.” But some fools say rhubarb is a vegetable. What’ll they say next: tomatoes are fruits?

Margie then said, “That fellow there looks just like the guy we know from church who died last week.”

I looked and replied, “Nope. That’s not him.”

I need more respite in these Rockies.

gordmackintosh9@gmail.com