Plead poverty to dodge cottage commitment

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This article was published 08/08/2023 (1142 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Things are going bad at the cabin we rented. I went up with my wife and kids, and left them there after three days, because everybody was already fighting! I had to go back to work at my shop.

Also, I can’t stand my wife’s younger sister who’s renting right next door. She’s a lousy mother with two young kids, and a big mouth. After the sun goes down, she always wants to play cards for money, and she drinks like a fish. Her kids are up and running around to all hours. She doesn’t watch them closely at all.

Her husband always escapes back to the city after a day or two, on any excuse. Smart man! I don’t blame him.

Today, my wife phoned and told me the cottage we’re renting this year is going up for sale, and she wants me to buy it! I’d rather fry in hell than buy that rickety cottage in the hot sun with my wife’s sister and her crew renting next door. I need a way out!

— Over My Dead Body, North Kildonan

Dear Dead Body: Your best way out is to say, “Sorry, darling. I just can’t afford to buy the cabin — we simply don’t have the money.” Don’t use anything else as an excuse, particularly not your wife’s annoying relatives. You may not like her sister, but your wife loves her. You may not be fun at the lake, but her sister is a barrel of laughs.

As for safety at the lake, you need to start getting up there more, to stand watch. Even if you don’t enjoy the lake experience, you can provide two more eyes to watch out for your own kids, and also the nephews and nieces who are running wild. The water they love to play in can take a life in an unattended instant.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Until recently my wife of almost three years had no moves. I’d resigned myself to a life of maintenance sex, but in early July she gave me a night I never forget expected. It was sex in a tent she pitched, and then a 10-piece fireworks show under the stars, with sensual music.

This was totally out of character for her. Before I could stop myself, my suspicious and jealous side came out. I said, “So, what guy taught you about all this?” I watched her shrivel in front of me.

She picked up her shot fireworks cases and went back to the house. I came in the door apologizing, but she was not in the kitchen or living room.

I saw a sex book on the living room table, open to the fireworks scene she’d just done for me. The door to our bedroom was locked. It’s back open now — weeks later — but she doesn’t want me to touch her. We sleep with our backs turned to one another, not even cuddling.

Now what? I don’t know what to do. Why did I blow our chance at an exciting sex life? Do we need counselling, or what?

— Can’t Win For Losing, southeastern Manitoba

Dear Can’t Win: When one partner tries to do something special for their ailing sex life, and their mate quashes their creative efforts with suspicion and ridicule, one big question pops up: Why would they be so cruel?

An accusation like yours guaranteed your love life would go cold again!

If the truth is, it seems you’re totally fed up and no longer want the marriage to succeed, so you need to be honest about that, rather than going for counselling and then sabotaging all the work done there.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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