Don’t languish in loneliness — reach out again

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This article was published 18/11/2024 (657 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spotted my ex-wife and her new husband walking with our two kids into a hockey game. They looked so happy, and it felt like a real punch in the gut. It was my life I was watching go by, only some other guy was experiencing it.

I hid as they passed by. I felt like a fool, but it would have been worse to have run right into them and be introduced — or not introduced. I went home and lost it for a few days. I couldn’t even go to work. I barely managed not to start drinking again.

“Where did I go wrong?” I kept asking myself. I loved her so much — and still do. My wife and I started off such a great pair. I know it was my drinking and drug using that wrecked our marriage. I only managed to quit everything after she left me for good, but she still went after a divorce.

Alcoholics Anonymous helped me kick the booze, which was my biggest downfall — it was not my wife’s fault and I take full blame. But what can I do now about myself?

I’m feeling so lonely and jealous. I want what she and that guy have, and I feel like such a loser. Help me, please.

— Hurting So Badly, West End

Dear Hurting: The emotional pain was serious, but you didn’t start drinking again — and that’s a big victory. To be sure you don’t start again, get in touch with the people in your personal AA support system and tell them you need additional help. They won’t be annoyed, even if you haven’t been in touch for some time. They just want to help you.

Also look at benefiting from group support once again. For a list of AA Manitoba’s meetings — types, times and places — go to aamanitoba.org.

You could also benefit from one-on-one relationship counselling to get yourself into stronger emotional shape so you can look for new love with more confidence. Recognize that loneliness is an enemy and you can fight it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a funny, intelligent and handsome man when I was on holiday in Australia this summer. We’ve been in touch online and by phone almost every night since.

I thought our passion for each other might fade, but it has only grown into love and we are actually using the L-word. Who knew?

If I go back down this winter for another holiday, as he wants me to, I know we’ll fall even deeper in love. But here’s the catch: I had a travel romance a few years ago and it ended up as a crash-and-burn situation. That’s a niggling worry in the back of my mind.

I’m almost 35 and a child-loving woman. My Aussie mate is 29. I’ve had serious relationships, but I’ve never met a man I loved so much. It’s not just his looks. We’re a real match in every way — both artsy people, both creative.

I have lots of teaching experience and he says I wouldn’t have to give up working — he could find me a job there. He also says I’d be in heaven in his city.

We’ve tried to say goodbye, but it only lasts 24-48 hours, and then we’re both wrecks. Please help.

— Loving My Aussie, Fort Richmond

Dear Loving My Aussie: It looks like you two are going to be forced to spend major bucks and get together again, soon. So why not invite him to your Canadian world to meet your people? It would be a good test to see if the relationship is serious enough.

If you’re looking for a marriage and kids at this point, you can’t act cool and pretend you aren’t. He has all the time in the world — but at 35, you simply do not.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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