Polarized views don’t make good bedfellows

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This article was published 04/04/2025 (476 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend and I fell in love in a more peaceful political time, but now all we do is argue over Canadian and American politics.

In the winter it was kind of a laugh — debating politics in front of the fire with a drink in hand. We thought we were so cool. But those days are over and our new dinner conversations have gotten testier.

We don’t respect each other’s opinions at all and the gradual end of our sex life is the price we’re paying. I’m not even into kissing the man these days because of the words that come out of his mouth.

There’s also a loss of other conversational subjects when we get home from work — and that used to be a natural turn-on time for us. We used to end up making love before we’d even cooked our dinner.

Now I find my guy’s right-wing political stances are upsetting and I don’t want to make love with him the same as before. He says my political positions are naive and he told me last night he would not tolerate a wife who cancelled his votes with hers.

— Are We Finished? Fort Garry

Dear Finished? Politics have split many couples who had been attracted to each other for a time. When people really get talking about their political beliefs, things can fizzle out fast. So don’t hide your real beliefs and feelings now and trust your gut.

The fact you’re so turned off now by this man, means it’s time to go your separate ways.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a woman who got together too quickly with another woman, who is an athlete like I am. We’re into two different martial arts.

We’re the perfect match according to my friends, but it turns out my partner is into martial arts combat for the excitement and endorphin high.

That’s not the case for me, as I see it just as great exercise.

Sadly, her sexuality is tied to combat. That’s fine once in a while, but I’m tired when I come home from work and just want to eat, cuddle and watch TV. But she wants me to get ready for a fighting-style workout, which gets her stoked for sex.

I just want to sleep at that point.

It feels like the love of battle is never going to fade for her. I want us to be each other’s closest friends, with passion thrown in, not handy combat partners. Help.

— Nervous Girlfriend, Transcona

Dear Nervous: No doubt you’ve heard of an aperitif. It’s a before-dinner drink to aid digestion. Well, instead of that, consider a digestif — a little after-dinner drink to aid digestion, or a special tea if you don’t want the alcohol.

Instead of combat practice, ask your woman to consider walks with you after dinner for fresh air and exercise. Hold hands, wind down and chat about the day — and say hi to the neighbours as you go by together.

When you get home, your mate hopefully will have relaxed and you might feel revived — putting you at the same energy level. Then, both of you might feel more like making love.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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