A bit of openness has a nice ring to it

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This article was published 06/04/2025 (534 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have never actually wanted to tie the knot with any guy, and I finally disclosed this fact to my current boyfriend. He said, “Then, give me back my engagement ring!”

I told him It was a gift to me and that I’ll wear it as long as I like. I also reminded him I never considered it an engagement ring.

He just sat there looking shocked. Finally, he said bitterly, “Why did you accept it in the first place? Because it was such a big rock?”

I said, “I guess, partly. It was so beautiful, and I thought I might get used to the idea of marriage.”

But I didn’t, so now what?

— Sadly Free Again, West Kildonan

Dear Sadly: Rings certainly don’t function as a guarantee mates will marry or spouses will stay together, as so many married couples find out.

When it comes to you and your current mate, your widely divergent interpretations of a ring’s significance highlights the fact you’re on pretty different wavelengths.

So it’s likely time for you two to go your separate ways, and maybe you’ll surprise yourself someday and meet somebody you love and want to commit to enough to wear a wedding ring — or maybe not. But whatever the case, it’s crucial for partners to communicate openly with one another to avoid misunderstandings that can deeply wound someone’s feelings.

When it comes to the “glue” in a relationship, it’s more down to communicating deeply and honestly with one another, and also just by pursuing common interests, whether it’s sports, adventure and travel, or creative pursuits, charity work and sharing pets — you name it. Sharing something meaningful deepens and enriches a relationship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I must confess I started an affair when my wife was often “too busy” or “too tired” due to raising our kids. I chose to look at it this way: my exhausted wife was getting a break from my active sex drive!

But now that our youngest son has finally moved out and we have total privacy again, my wife wants to revive our sex life “now that no one can hear us.” She even splashed out for some swanky sheets as part of the project.

This would all be great, except for the fact my longtime woman on the side is a great person and says she’s in love with me. I love her, too. She doesn’t have a husband — they divorced years back.

So now I have two women wanting my best, and I don’t have that much energy anymore. I love them both, but in different ways. They are nothing alike, so they suit the two sides of my personality. Now what?

— Could Lose Everything, St. James

Dear Could Lose Everything: The disclosure you were out having a secret affair while your wife was looking after your children only underscores the fact you tend to see things as being mainly about you.

While your wife may be genuinely enthused about the prospect of rekindling the passion in your marriage now that the kids have flown the coop, the fact you seem more concerned about someone else probably doesn’t bode well for a rejuvenated and enduring marital bond.

Even if your wife has some inkling of your infidelity and is striving to get your attention back, you owe her some honesty. This is your life and family, not a reality TV show where you’ve been “burdened” with making a choice between two female suitors.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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