Scams, threats and fake opportunities: stay sharp

Hopefully, this editorial is not coming to you as a posthumous publication.

And yes, we’re backing into this editorial a bit. (In newspaper terms, burying the lede. Hopefully, not burying its author.

But here goes: this is your regular reminder that e-mail scams abound, and come in all shapes, sizes, and threats of danger, most often imaginary. They put the pressure on with the severity of dangers you face, and urge you to act quickly.

Don’t.

Talk to friends, talk to authorities, and don’t be afraid to ignore anonymous threats. Don’t send money. Don’t think that your grandchild or old friend desperately needs money right away. Watch for giveaways like sloppy language and odd return addresses.

As example No. 1, we present — in all its fractured glory — an email received last week called “BE WARNED” from “Unknown Annonimous.”

“I felt very sorry and bad for you, that your life is going to end like this, if you did not comply. I was paid to eliminate you and I have to do it within 10 days. Someone you call your friend out of jealousy/envy wants you dead by all means, and the person has spent a lot of money on this deadly mission. The person came to us and told us that he wants you dead. He has provided to us your name, residential contact address, your photo and other necessary information that we needed about you.”

Oh dear.

“Meanwhile, I want to inform you that we have been monitoring you for the past three days and we have made all the necessary investigations needed for the operation. We are about to strike any moment from tomorrow, but something came to my mind about you last night. I started having sympathetic feelings about you.”

So, a gracious offer to turn the tables from a friendly assassin.

“All you needed to pay us for the mission to be concealed in your favor is $10,000 Dollars. but we shall give you the grace to pay $5000 Dollars first. Once you pay for the 5000 Dollars, we shall send to you tape of the person that want you dead, for you to know the person and after that, you will pay the remaining 5000 Dollars to complete the money.”

Revenge will be sweet.

“Warning : do not think that Contacting the police or even telling anybody will help you in this matter. Rather it will worsen the situation and the operation will be carried out not only by you, but by members of your family.”

That’s confusing. Now we’re carrying out the operation? Just when we were getting all that cash together…

“For your own good, i will advise you not to go out late once after 6 pm until me settle with you and i myself will make out time to meet you, and give you the name and tape of the person that want you dead, so that you will know your enemy and can as well take a legal action against him.”

The scams may be ham-handed, they may be professional. They may be familiar or distant. They can be threating, unsettling or wheedling. They may promise great riches or sudden harm.

This scam falls into the unsettling, but also slightly humorous, camp.

But they keep coming, because sending emails is free, and every once and awhile, they just might work.

So, keep your guard up. Pay attention to the new types of scams that the media and the authorities warn you about, and keep your doubts cranked up to maximum whenever you are contacted — by phone, email or text — with a message that just doesn’t feel right.

Especially when you’re told to keep it to yourself.