A trip down memory lane still leading me nowhere

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/01/2010 (5926 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

This is hard to admit and I hope you won’t think less of me, but I completely forgot about World Hypnotism Day.

It was on Jan. 4. What? You forgot too? Thanks, I feel a bit better now, but if I’m going to be honest, I don’t have any excuses. My editors gave me a news release about World Hypnotism Day because they felt — and I believe they were sincere — it was the kind of important event someone with my abilities should stay on top of.

But the playoffs are on, I’ve been busy shopping for a new big-screen TV, and, well, you get the picture. I guess the real problem is… hold on while I try to remember the real problem… OK, the real problem is I have a lousy memory.

I’m not kidding. Whenever I phone someone, by the time they answer, I can no longer remember who I was calling, so I either have to hang up or pretend to speak in a foreign language and hope they don’t have caller ID.

Or I’ll try to take out money at an ATM and realize I’ve forgotten my PIN, so I’ll start muttering and punching random numbers for so long that irate people behind me in line assume I’m trying to contact the Mother Ship.

Anyway, I felt so bad about missing World Hypnotism Day that I called the Manitoba Hypnotherapists’ Association to apologize. I spoke with association president Morgan Comrie Willacy.

“I feel guilty about missing World Hypnotism Day,” I told her, sadly.

“Don’t feel guilty,” she said. “We didn’t have a party or anything; it’s mostly about raising awareness.”

“Thanks,” I said, “The problem is I have a bad memory.”

“We can do something about that!” Morgan declared.

So that’s why, early Friday morning, I found myself stretched out on a black leather recliner in Morgan’s home office, feet resting on a matching ottoman, body wrapped in a cosy blanket, waiting to be hypnotized.

OK, I was a little skeptical. But when I met Morgan, I was impressed. Over the phone she explained she’s 66 and has been practising hypnotherapy for about six years since retiring from the computer industry.

She looks even younger than I do, so I started to think that, maybe, there’s something to this stuff. The first thing Morgan did is explain that hypnosis is essentially a trance-like state wherein you become completely and utterly relaxed, but remain aware of your surroundings. Eventually, your subconscious opens up, allowing the therapist to suggest positive changes, such as you’ll quit smoking, stop overeating, or no longer be afraid of spiders the size of canned hams.

“You’re not going to make me bark like a dog?” I wisely asked Morgan.

“No,” she said, laughing, “It’s not what we’re about.”

“Or make me drop my pants and run into traffic whenever someone whistles?”

“No,” she reassured me. “Not unless your wife pays me to do it.”

I was confident she was joking, so we pressed on. To begin, she turned on some ethereal music and, in a soothing voice, had me slowly relax every imaginable part of my body. Eventually, in my mind, she had me walk down 10 stairs to my Happy Place, a warm, sandy beach, and within seconds, I was totally focused, partly on the fact her dog was loudly scratching itself at my feet, but also on the nice things she was saying about my memory.

“You have an excellent memory,” her calm voice said as it drifted down to my Happy Place. “It is easy for you to learn and remember because you can focus your mind on anything you like for as long as you like.

“Your concentration level will be like a laser beam cutting through metal. You are focused, you are relaxed and you are confident.”

Then, slowly, sadly, I walked back up the stairs and opened my eyes. She asked how long I thought I’d been sitting there. I guessed 30 minutes, but it turned out to be 45. Where did those 15 minutes go? Who can say?

I sat there, blinking, stretching, and ready to test my hypnotically enhanced memory. This will surprise you, but I glanced at Morgan’s dog, and without even trying, instantly discovered I’d forgotten it’s name. (It’s Max).

When I arrived at work I found I’d forgotten the super-secret badge that allows me to get into the building. Then I forgot my scarf when I left. You get my general drift.

The important thing is I didn’t care! Because I’ve never been more relaxed in my life. If I’d felt any more mellow, I would have been rotting from the inside.

It was a great experience. Plus now, whenever the phone rings, I cluck like a chicken. So I’ve got that going for me.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca

You’re getting sleepy …

It costs about $75 for a typical, 90-minute hypnotherapy session. Hypnotism is used to treat everything from bad habits and addictions to phobias and chronic pain.

If you’d like more information, check out the Manitoba Hypnotherapists’ Association’s website at www.manitobahypnosis.com. The site lists nine practising hypnotherapists, including some with social work degrees.