The swipe hype

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This article was published 15/08/2017 (3261 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Despite the nuanced differences, all dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Coffee Meets Bagel, etc.) work similarly, in that you look at a picture on your phone and you swipe left or right (not interested or interested, respectively) based on that picture alone and a small, optional profile.

Given that the market is pretty saturated, clients of my dating service ask me all the time, “Which are the best dating apps to use?”

I’ll let you in on the secret I tell them: Either none of them or all of them.

What does this mean? Any app can be efficient or successful, depending on what you put out there and how proactive you are in the process. If you put up six mediocre pictures — the number most apps allow — and no writeup and expect to have a date every night, you’ll be sorely disappointed… just like if you put together a mediocre resumé and expect to be given an interview for a CEO position. Coming to the table is not enough.

Dating apps are an effective tool in meeting someone (notice I didn’t say finding a relationship, since that’s solely based on the two people involved). But, there are a few rules of thumb you should abide by to give yourself the best chance:

 

The pics

1. Make the first picture a clear shot of your face. People just want to see what you look like. Period. Don’t overthink it. Show what you look like right off the bat.

2. Include a full-body shot. We are all superficial. I’m not saying anything new. Knowing that, provide people with a sense of what you look like so they don’t have to invent it (it’s never a favourable invention) in their head.

3. Be by yourself in the shot. I can already hear the complaints about this piece of advice! Trust me here. This prevents inevitable comparison of you to friends or others. It’s also important for the viewer to know which person you are in the photos. Don’t worry that someone wonders whether you have friends. First, no one cares or is thinking about it, and second, the baseline is that you have friends.

4. Have one photo of yourself doing something interesting. Most people have no idea what to say in the initial message, so give them one more thing to comment about, or “message bait.” Don’t force them to write a “Hey” or “How’s it going?”

5. Less is more. Four great photos will always win over six or more mediocre photos. People will, unfortunately, look for the one they don’t like and decide not to swipe right because of it.

 

The profile

After much experimentation, I found that, on average, 23 words is the ideal app profile length. Write something short, sweet and quirky. Here are three examples (some with a few extra words):

1. Two truths and a lie: 1. My beverage of choice is Scotch. 2. I was born outside North America. 3. I have a dog named Scruffy.

2. Things I like: Pizza (only with red sauce, white is a travesty!), GoT, my job in finance, and my Garfield slippers that I’ve had for way too many years.

3. Entrepreneur, punster, kettlebeller, original NES owner… math jokes and whiskey make me swoon. Like a cupcake with cayenne pepper — sweet with a kick!

 

The first message

Short, sweet, and end with a question. Just remember that anything is better than “Hey,” or “What’s up?”

Examples for when no “message bait” is provided:

1. Sunday priorities: exercise, sleep, or mimosas?

2. Pizza emoji or sushi emoji?

3. If you had nothing to do today, would you rather go running or drink a bottle of wine… or both?

 

The conversation

If you match with someone on a Sunday, try to have the date set up by the next Sunday (basically, keep it within a week). Momentum is key, as people have shorter and shorter attention spans.

Someone will likely ask for your number, saying, “It’s easier to talk outside the app.” No, it’s not  — it’s exactly the same. Keep it on the app, or else you’ll fall into a texting abyss. I call texting “the death of the first date” with reason.

So… are the apps an effective way to meet people? Yes, but you have to put in the work, follow this advice, and show up for your dates ready and excited to meet someone new.

Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating. 

— Tribune News Service