Author connects with ‘the dark, sad parts’ of herself

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This article was published 20/10/2020 (2144 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

It’s been more than seven months since singer-songwriter Hayley Gene Penner has been back to her home in Los Angeles, where she has spent the better part of the last eight years working as a songwriter and collaborator.

The Winnipeg-born Penner, 34, has been weathering the pandemic north of the border, visiting family — including her father, legendary local children’s entertainer Fred Penner — and working by video conferences on keeping her songwriting career going.

Through Zoom interviews, Instagram takeovers and the like, the 34-year-old Penner has also been promoting her new memoir, People You Follow, published by Dundurn in Canada in September and earlier this month in the United States. A 12-song album, also called People You Follow, was released in September. It’s Penner’s first collection of her own songs after collaborating with a wide range of artists as a songwriter for years.

Penner’s first book chronicles a range of relationships, from shorter-term flings to lengthier relations, and the varying degrees of heartbreak she has had with each. “I’m a big supporter of heartbreak — everyone should have their heart ripped out of their chests at some point,” she says by Zoom while visiting her father in British Columbia. “It’s so humbling… just to know yourself like that. I’m very grateful for all of my heartbreak. Everything has taught me something about what I want and who I am. And I’m so grateful to know the really dark, desperate, sad parts of myself. I wouldn’t change anything at all.”

Aside from the love and respect shown for her parents in Penner’s writing, the relationships in People You Follow range from tragically doomed to emotionally abusive and downright toxic, the latter especially the case with relationships intertwined with her aspirations as a songwriter and musician. Depictions of the events in the book, meanwhile, range from melancholy to poetic to downright graphic. (“My parents aren’t allowed to read this book,” she says, laughing; most of the names in the book have been changed.)

Being a seasoned songwriter has provided Penner with some perspective as a first-time author, especially when book launches can only happen virtually.

“It’s so easy to slip into moments of feeling anxious, wondering whether something more should be happening. There’s so much work that goes into it, and then it’s just like ‘this thing is now available.’ There are no fireworks — you have to curb your expectations.”

Before moving to L.A. at age 26, Penner spent time in Toronto, London and beyond, returning often to Winnipeg to visit family and friends. She had returned for such a visit earlier this year when the COVID-19 pandemic took hold, and has been north of the border ever since.

Given the current state of the world, and especially given the emotionally fraught nature of her book, Penner is glad to be north of the border right now. “I’m really grateful to be in Canada right now, to be at home,” she says. “To be able to go to my sister’s place and play with my niece and nephew for an afternoon is just so grounding. So I’m very glad to be in Canada during a release like this that’s so vulnerable and exposing.”

Chronicling the relationships in her life in book form has provided Penner with valuable perspective on life, and has impacted the way she thinks about songwriting as well. The songs on People You Follow, while detailing some of the same events of Penner’s life, come with a great deal more nuance than the candid nature of the book. “Writing the book helped me as a songwriter in terms of being super honest,” she explains. “In my songs written in the last three years there are street names, specific vehicles, eye colours, apartments… if you’re the person the song’s been written about it’s not hard to see yourself in it.”

Penner has also managed to take being the daughter of a famous Canadian performer in stride. “In some ways we do the same thing, but in others we do very different things. He’s also such a get-to-the-heart-of-things kind of performer and human being, so I think in that we’re the same. But I wonder if I would feel a different sort of pressure if my father was actively putting out pop songs. It feels different enough.

“He’s so proud and so supportive. I’ve always wanted to make my name on my own, but also I’m such a fan of his, as a person — aside from obviously loving him deeply.”

ben.sigurdson@freepress.mb.ca