The same-name game

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/03/2021 (1712 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

A long while ago, so many years now I can’t remember exactly when, I discovered I have a name doppelgänger.

There is another Erin Lebar — well, an Erin LeBar — whose email address is one letter different than mine, which sometimes results in emails meant for me landing in her inbox. This was a shock to me, as my last name is not a common one and, as far as I knew, I was related to most of the Lebars in the world. But, she was out there, the Other Erin LeBar, and she had the Gmail address everyone assumed was mine.

One day, all those years ago, sparked by a missing email I desperately needed, I decided to take a chance and reach out to her.

As it turns out, the Other Erin was thrilled to hear from me and had been keeping a few messages she assumed were important, hoping one day I would get in touch. And then she forwarded… and forwarded and forwarded; trip itineraries, invites to wedding and baby showers, order confirmation emails and, more recently, a few Zoom invites for family video calls I otherwise would have missed.

Over the years, Other Erin has been my saviour on more than one occasion; she received countless important, wedding-related emails meant for me prior to my “big day” in 2019, she forwarded a SkipTheDishes digital gift card I wouldn’t have known I had, and she always accompanies the messages with a lovely little comment about how exciting my purchases and events are. It’s a real mood-booster, let me tell you.

Before you ask, yes, I did talk to Other Erin about writing this story, and she even told me a bit about her life to include (and sent me an image of a recent family holiday card). Other Erin is in her early 40s and has a husband and two young children. She is originally from Minneapolis but now lives in Hermosa, Calif., and works as a director of business development for the Los Angeles Chargers football team.

We also later found out we share the same middle initial — which was a full jaw-on-table moment — though not the same middle name.

I’m lucky to have a name doppelgänger who is as open to conversation as mine is, and my experience in finding her is not a unique one; many folks in my own social circle alone have had encounters with their own in the digital world (and sometimes in real life, too) and a few shared their stories.

I have a friend who shares a name with a well-known murder victim, which comes with obvious problems; one friend received wedding RSVPs, couples-counselling reminders and the subsequent divorce papers of someone with with the same moniker; another acquaintance, a musician, coincidentally shares a name with another musician in the Philippines; and a co-worker was mistakenly invited to attend the Westminster Dog Show. And those are just a few of the many hilarious anecdotes sent my way.

Having the same name as someone who isn’t related to you can create a strange bond, but it can also provide a bit of stark reality in terms of our perceived uniqueness. Jennifer Moss, founder and CEO of Babynames.com, thinks and writes a lot about names and naming trends, and agrees finding your name-mate will likely conjure one of two reactions: delight or distress.

“From my experience, I thought my name was fairly unique, until I joined Facebook. There were so many Jennifer Mosses out there, and at one point there was a Jennifer Moss Facebook group. I was kind of devastated. Since my first name was the No. 1 name for two decades, I thought at least I would be unique using my full name,” said Moss.

“I think a person could react one of two ways, like me and be a little disappointed, or have an affinity towards that other person, like when you see someone with the exact same car. Names are so tied to our identities, though, I think most people would find it a little disappointing to run across someone else with the same exact name.

“I think it’s also super difficult if someone is a name doppelgänger with a celebrity,” she says. (Just ask MP Candice Bergen and city councillor Kevin Klein.) “That almost always elicits a laugh upon introduction. And what if that person’s reputation goes south? Would you want to be named Bill Cosby?”

As we fully root ourselves in the digital age, finding those who share our names, outside of family ties, is an easy process; prior to the internet, you’d just have to coincidentally bump into someone in real life, but now you can actively seek them out on social media.

But there’s something kind of nice about the element of surprise; it feels like meeting a new friend and an old friend all at once, with a specific, built-in familiarity that can only really exist in this kind of relationship.

So, the next time you get an email that’s addressed to someone with your name who isn’t you, keep it for a bit and see if your Other Erin Lebar reaches out. Who knows? In the words of Humphrey Bogart, it could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

erin.lebar@freepress.mb.ca

Twitter: @NireRabel