‘Turning my pain into lessons’ Life coach wants to help people, workplaces deal with subtle little insults By: Eva Wasney Posted: 3:00 AM CDT Friday, Jul. 2, 2021

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This article was published 02/07/2021 (1788 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Before taking a course on the subject, Delia Joseph didn’t know what a microaggression was — except that she did, intimately.

“When I looked up the definition, I was like, wait, what? I live this,” says the founder of Improveology Lifestyle Coaching.

As a Black woman living in Winnipeg, Joseph has experienced everything from hurtful comments to prejudiced interactions to unwanted physical contact in both professional and public settings.

As a certified mediator and lifestyle coach with training in workplace diversity, equity and inclusion, she wanted to use those personal experiences to teach others about the impact of microaggressions, which can be based on preconceptions about everything from race to gender identity to age to sexuality.

“It is hurtful,” she says. “It limits the ability of people from marginalized groups to flourish; when that happens, we all occupy a world that is less than it could be.”

Joseph and co-facilitator Karen Ridd, a conflict resolution professor at the University of Winnipeg, have developed a workshop for staff, employers and organizations to better understand how implicit bias plays out in the workplace. Visit joinimproveology.com for more information.

Eva Wasney: What are microaggressions and how have they played out in your life?

Delia Joseph: Microaggressions are subtle insults made to communicate disparaging messages towards marginalized groups. That’s the short version.

I’ve had someone hear my voice on the phone and want to meet with me in person… when they come in I introduce myself and they’re shocked. I extend my hand to shake their hand and they turn away.

People want to touch (my) hair; we’re not pets, we’re human beings and for some reason people feel like they have the right to just come up and touch our hair.

Or they look at you and expect you to have a certain type of accent and then you speak English to their liking, they’re like, ‘Wow, you speak really good English.’ Well, what the hell is that supposed to mean? It’s those kinds of things.

 

 

Eva Wasney: When you encounter those kinds of attitudes, how does it make you feel?

Delia Joseph: I want to be seen as a human being, that I am of the human race and that I belong here just as much as the next person.

Eva Wasney: Who are your workshops for?

Delia Joseph: Anyone who is interested in knowing or wanting to learn more about anti-racism and how marginalized people are affected. (Anyone who) wants to understand and identify their implicit biases.

There’s different types of microaggression (experiences) too, such as: if you’re a bystander, what do you do? If you’re the target of microaggressions, what do you do? And if you’re the one actually doing the microaggressions, what do you do? It’s about welcoming diversity in the workplace and advancing diversity.

Eva Wasney: Do you think employers and organizations are becoming more interested in addressing those topics?

Delia Joseph: They seem to be, yes. I think what’s driving it is that as workplaces become more multicultural there’s lower tolerance for discrimination.

Eva Wasney: As a facilitator, what’s your approach to teaching about microaggressions, which can maybe be a touchy subject?

Delia Joseph: Yeah, it is heavy. So, we give out pre-homework for people to do prior to coming into the session. We have polls where we ask, how much do you know about microaggression? Do you know a little bit? A lot? Not nothing at all? And then we know how to gauge the session from there.

We also give people space to identify microaggressions, but also speak about their lived experience of having done it and having it done to them.

I’m not interested in telling white people how awful they are and how they should know better. What I want is to have people go within and find out, where did I get these biases from, unconscious or conscious, and how can I do better?

 

 

Eva Wasney: Why do you think it’s important to have honest conversations about this kind of discrimination?

Delia Joseph: If you want the world to be a better place, it’s important for people to have a discussion and acknowledge their role. Without acknowledging their role in it, there can’t be any healing and awareness.

When microaggressions happen in which you’re discriminated against, it’s not an easy thing to bring your voice forward because a lot of times when you bring your voice forward people shut it down and say, ‘Oh no, that didn’t happen,’ or ‘They didn’t mean that’ or ‘Are you sure you’re not overreacting?’

Eva Wasney: What are some of the responses you’ve gotten from participants? Have you experienced any pushback?

Delia Joseph: I wouldn’t say pushback, more curiosity and questions (about) how they can be a better ally.

What we’ve noticed is that people are taking the information and they’re implementing it and then they call us back because they loved the session so much and they want their whole organization to experience it.

Eva Wasney: Are you surprised at all by the positive response?

Delia Joseph: I really am. When we came up with this, I said, I’m not interested in having people feel horrible after they leave. I want them to feel hopeful.

(I’m) turning my pain into lessons that I can now share with other people and help build them up. And it is a heavy topic, so I have grounding rituals and healing routines to protect my energy, because whenever you’re telling a story it feels like you’re reliving it.

The only reason I’ve been able to tell the stories I’ve been able to tell is because I’ve been through the healing process… and I know what’s on the other side: freedom.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

eva.wasney@freepress.mb.ca

Twitter: @evawasney