Toying with audiences

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This article was published 29/07/2023 (1152 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Unless you’ve been living under a pink camping van, you’re already familiar with Barbie, the live-action film based on the iconic Mattel fashion doll that opened in theatres July 21.

The fact Barbara Millicent (Barbie) Roberts is making her big-screen debut at age 64 is impressive to say the least, only the fantasy-comedy flick serves as a reminder to fans of another family favourite that they are still waiting their turn, to join in on the cinematic fun and games.

In 2019 a story carrying the headline “Monopoly film adaptation to star Kevin Hart gets go ahead” appeared in Variety magazine. It appears the powers-that-be ultimately said “no dice.” Lately, there’s been nary a peep about the project, which was supposed to follow the exploits of a lad who grew up on lowly Baltic Avenue, and, when he wasn’t getting out of jail free or advancing to the nearest railroad, was seeking his fortune on Atlantic City’s Boardwalk.

Monopoly isn’t the only product in the toy aisle that failed to pass Go. Hollywood refused to bite when Hasbro floated the idea of an adventure drama based on Hungry Hungry Hippos in 2012, and recently delivered a knock-out punch to Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots, which was slated to star Vin Diesel.

Still, there is a long list of dolls, action figures and tabletop games that have made the transition from toy box to box office. In honour of Barbie, here’s a look back at a few movies inspired by playthings; some entertaining and others that had viewers Scrabbleing, er, scrambling for the exits.

CLUE (1985)

Professor Plum, in the library, with a metal pipe. No, wait; Mrs. White, in the hall, with a rope.

When Clue reached theatres in 1985 audiences weren’t entirely sure whodunit until the closing minutes. Even then, questions abounded. True to its roots, Clue, based on the classic mystery game of the same name, was initially released with three different endings, with a separate character having committed the murder in each version.

Clue, which featured an ensemble cast including Christopher Lloyd and Madeline Kahn, was a box office dud, grossing a little under $15 million. It developed a cult following, however, after being released on home video. Rian Johnson, director of Knives Out, is one of its many fans. He reportedly had a movie poster for Clue tacked to the wall, while he was editing the 2019 murder-mystery.

SUPER MARIO BROTHERS (1993)

Thirty years before The Super Mario Bros. Movie set box office records in April as the highest-grossing film based on a video game, a live-action version of the Nintendo best-seller attracted substantially less fanfare.

Super Mario Brothers starred Bob Hoskins (Mario) and John Leguizamo (Luigi) as plumber brothers out to save the world from a ruthless leader played by Dennis Hopper.

It was bad enough that the film only generated $8.5 million in ticket sales during its opening weekend, but in a 2007 interview Hoskins labelled the flick “the worst thing I ever did, a f—-in’ nightmare.”

Worse: when Hopper’s son Jack asked his father whatever possessed him to sign up for the role of President Koopa, Hopper responded, “So you could have shoes.” “I don’t need shoes that badly,” his son shot back.

MARS ATTACKS! (1996)

The comic sci-fi film Mars Attacks! owes its existence to a set of trading cards dating back to 1962. Tim Burton directed the romp, which starred Jack Nicholson as a U.S. president facing an invasion from the red planet.

Mars Attacks!, which featured Glenn Close as the First Lady and singer Tom Jones as, well, Tom Jones, cost close to $100 million to produce. It made that amount back, but just barely, taking in a tick over $101 million, worldwide.

Mars Attacks! was nominated in seven categories at the 1997 Saturn Awards, which are presented annually by the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror Films. Alas, Independence Day, also about a set-to with extraterrestrials, beat it out that year for Best Science Fiction Film.

TRANSFORMERS (2007)

Having grossed over $5 billion to date, Transformers is far and away the most successful film franchise based on an action toy.

The first of seven Transformers films was directed by Michael Bay (Bad Boys, Armageddon). It starred a then-21-year-old Shia LaBeouf as a teenager who finds himself caught in the middle of a stand-off between opposing armies, the robotic soldiers of which can convert themselves into everyday vehicles such as a Chevy Camaro or Ferrari 458 at the drop of a hat.

A fresh line of Transformers toys hit store shelves in conjunction with the movie’s release in June 2007. Good idea: Transformers was the fifth-highest grossing film of the year, reeling in $709 million. Associated merchandise pulled in another $480 million.

G.I. JOE (2009)

G.I. Joe was inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame in 2004. Five years later, the toy individually responsible for the term “action figure” (reportedly, calling something aimed at boys a doll wasn’t going to cut it in 1963) sparked a live-action thriller, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

Interestingly, the closest thing there is to a character named Joe in the 118-minute feature is actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who plays Cobra commander and all-around bad guy Rex Lewis. Thing is, G.I. Joe was a generic term for American soldiers during the Second World War, G.I. being short for gunnery instructor.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was the first of three G.I. Joe movies. The series has earned in the neighbourhood of $718 million to date. That number that will surely rise when a long-planned crossover film combining characters from the G.I. Joe and Transformers franchises gets a green light in the next year or two.

BATTLESHIP (2012)

The rules of the two-person strategy game Battleship aren’t overly involved (determine where your opponent’s ships are hidden by calling out letters and numbers on a grid), so why movie execs went overboard by thinking that had blockbuster is anybody’s guess.

Also, we played our share of Battleship growing up, and while we recall trying to torpedo carriers and submarines, we don’t remember targeting any alien vessels, which are central to the plot of the big-screen rendition.

A film critic with the Los Angeles Times labelled Battleship “a lot less fun than its source material.” “Should have been sunk,” wrote another. On the “bright” side, singer Rihanna, who played Gunner’s Mate Second Class Cora Raikes, took home the Worst Supporting Actress prize, at the 2012 Golden Raspberry Awards ceremony.

david.sanderson@freepress.mb.ca