There can be a lot worse close shaves for a kid

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This article was published 06/06/2023 (1195 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: If shaving his head is all “Shocked Mama” has to worry about with her son, she is indeed a lucky woman. It could be tattoos from stem-to-stern that would likely never be gone. Drugs and alcohol can and often do kill or ruin lives. Terminal diseases and misadventures also take young lives, and unwanted pregnancies change lives forever.

And this mother is obsessing about a shaved head? I did that once, and can’t even remember it much now, except that I did it. This mom should be grateful it’s only hair that’s lost.

— Hair Grows Back, Manitoba

Dear Hair Grows Back: When a kid alters their body to get a shock effect, it’s usually smart to appear a bit more shocked than you actually are. Then the kid doesn’t have to go any further to feel like a rebel. But in this case, the son hates the look of his new bald head and the experience wasn’t a good look for him. He’s suffering whenever he looks in the mirror, and Mom can safely comfort her rebel.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Families, eh? Your advice is good about Grandma who rules at the lake and disrespects her daughter by saying she “doesn’t have a clue.” You suggested the mom and her family rent their own cabin, but that left some people out of the lesson as this could be a teaching moment for the kids.

Mom and Dad should explain what’s happened, and that their family does not tolerate disloyalty and disrespect. For instance, Dad could have said: “We all love Grandma, but even adults behave inappropriately sometimes. When Grandma said your mom ‘doesn’t have a clue,’ she disrespected the whole family. We won’t accept that! We are united, and stand together.”

Of course, the parents should talk to Grandma, saying, “Please don’t disrespect our family, or we will soldier on with our alternative plans.” Sometimes integrity and self-respect come at a cost — but not having it costs you the most!

— Thoughtfully, St. Boniface

Dear St. B.: Because Grandma is set in her ways, the young family should accept her apology if they get one, but it would still be wise to keep on with a private cabin rental plan for their own family. They could possibly make an overnight visit to Grandma another weekend, but she shouldn’t get rewarded by having the kids all by herself this year.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been working on my body for the last two years. While I love the attention it now brings, sometimes it’s a double-edged sword. I work out a lot for myself, because I’m tired of being treated unfairly as a heavier woman. It’s a sad truth about our society, but we overlook overweight people.

I love the new changes that came with exercising, like confidence and other things, but when my close friends tell me, “You look so good now” or “You look amazing!” it makes me wonder what they thought of me before. It’s nice to look good now, but it reminds me I didn’t look good for a long time. The feelings can be confusing.

— Bigger, Smaller, Whatever! Transcona

Dear Whatever: Most people don’t mean to compare your old body with your new look in a disrespectful way. In your friends’ excitement to compliment you, they’ve forgotten about the bigger body that was also yours. It’s probably your best move to ignore your insecure feelings and thank them for noticing your improved health — and then move onto the next topic.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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