Creative planning could head off cottage monotony

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/06/2023 (1196 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We just went to our cottage three endless weekends in a row. Ugh, too much for me! I’m a city-type woman — a teacher. It gets deadly-boring at the cabin 24-7 with my sweet, quiet husband who just fishes, reads and goes birding. Oh, and he likes to have sex at the lake, but that gets old, too.

In the city I have friends, hobbies, book club, my big garden and festivals. But out at the lake I have a few boring neighbours — and hour after hour of quiet. I’m dying to go back to the city after 24 hours, but my man is in absolute bliss on that dock. He has a full-month holiday booked, starting early July, and he’s excited. Already I’m pulling my hair out!

I suggested my sweetie go up for half that holiday and invite some fishing pals to keep him company — and he looked at me in shock, like I was abandoning him. Please help! How can I get what I need, which is a wonderful summer mostly in the city?

— Bored Stiff at Lake, North Kildonan

Dear Bored Stiff: You can create a different combination of lake and city living this year. You really don’t need to break his heart over this!

Start the summer by pleasing him and assorted family members with a one-week July blitz at your cabin. Make it a “come-and-go” guest week. Yes, we’re talking about “getting it over with,” and it will be a real circus for you, but then you retire from lake entertaining until August, when you will host three or four days with just your girlfriends at the lake.

That’d be a good time for your husband to go fishing at a buddy’s pond.

Between the big July and August lake events, encourage your husband to invite fishing pals up, and promise to help him by sorting out lots of food take up. You should also agree to come for frequent two- or three-day visits with him all summer, and sometimes you’ll bring a gal pal with you, who likes to go adventuring. That way, you can expand your beach world by exploring nearby towns and maybe discover interesting stores and nice places for lunch. Then go home and swim by your cabin, watch the sunset and put on a great movie. The summer of 2023 could be a lot more fun than other years, if you plan it creatively, and can get your man to co-operate.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m sick with jealousy. My husband has started running with a little group in our neighbourhood. I’m at home with our two babies — one still breastfeeding — and he’s out running with the hot-looking new neighbour who just moved in on our cul-de-sac.

I’ve only had one real talk with her — when she moved in. She’s single and just bought her first house — and is a former marathoner. The other runners in the group are mostly couples and guys I know from around here.

How she got into the group, I don’t know, but I bet my husband asked her, just to be “neighbourly.”

I asked him what she’s like in the group and he said, a little too casually. “Oh, she’s nice enough I guess, a really good runner.” I asked him a few more personal questions about her, and he finally said, ”What’s your problem? Are you jealous of her? That’s sick! You have no reason to be.”

That did it. I started to blubber, and when I cry, it isn’t pretty. The next running night, he went to the gym instead. He hasn’t run with the group since — but he’s very cool to me.

We had “maintenance” sex last night, but there’s been no relaxing and laughing together. I know he loves his running, but how can I tell him to go back running with the group and her, when it upsets me so much?

— Exhausted and Upset, North Kildonan

Dear Exhausted and Upset: First, you need to address the serious exhaustion which can leave a breastfeeding mother close to tears, even without the jealousy factor.

However, there is hope for that problem. School is finishing and a lot of high school students who still don’t have jobs would like to make some money. A mother’s helper who does light housework and takes the kids out strolling could give you much-needed breaks to nap, have a bath alone, catch your breath and go to the store. If you can’t get or afford a helper, grocery delivery can eliminate a trying experience with a baby in the cart and one strapped to your chest.

It would also help to get to know this woman next door. For all you know, she has a boyfriend, and your husband is not her type. As for your husband being in danger of falling for her, it’d much harder if you became her friend, even just casually.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography