It’s truly time to trust your gut over faraway flame

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/06/2024 (810 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m not a crazy guy but I’m kind of a wild man. Work-wise I’ve had jobs all over the world and I have found girlfriends from different cultures, wherever the work was happening.

Generally I move on from a partner after the job’s over, but now everything’s changed. I’m in my early 40s and in an emotional mess over a woman in another country.

I can’t believe it. I vowed this would never happen to me. It’s like that song from the ’70s says, “I Fooled Around and Fell in Love.” Now that I’m back in Canada I’m missing this woman 24-7 and it’s gotten physical, like a constant gut ache.

I think I want to marry this woman but I told her to forget about me when I left her.

Last night I took a chance and called her, and she told me to leave her alone unless I had a diamond ring to give her. I confessed how much I loved her and she told me the same. Then we both cried and we talked for hours.

I know this is crazy, but I think I want to buy a ring and go get her to marry her. What do you think?

— Lying Awake Nights, Winnipeg

Dear Lying Awake Nights: At your age you have to trust your gut and take some chances on important things such as love and commitment. Who knows how much longer you’ve got to diddle around?

As another line goes from that old 1975 song (by Elvin Bishop, FYI): “I must’ve been through about a million girls; I’d love ’em, and I’d leave ’em alone.” Yes, that does sound like you, and it sounds pretty immature. Congratulations. You may have finally grown up.

Look, some people come into our lives and make such an impact that you just simply cannot leave them alone.

The good news is the people I know personally who have met and married people they fell deeply in love with in other countries are still with them to this day. A great love can transcend physical distance, and this is what seems to have happened to you.

So, buy that ring, jump on a plane and go get the love of your life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I can’t find my husband when I want to talk to him. He doesn’t answer his phone. He always says to text him and I’ll get him right away.

I‘m sure he’s back seeing the girlfriend he had when I was pregnant. My worst thoughts are that he’s in bed with her when he receives and answers my texts messages. That makes me feel sick.

I have good reason to distrust him, as he was seeing her on the side when I was pregnant. I was so sick during the pregnancy, I had to quit my job.

When we had our baby my husband said I could stay home and not work, and I have done that but he resents it. And the worst thing is he doesn’t pay attention to our baby and seems to resent him, too.

My husband has started going out a lot again. I told him this week I was going to leave him and take our child and he swore he would be a better husband and father. I wanted so desperately to believe him and be able to finally have a loving home for the child we share.

But I know he’s cheating on me again and always will. I just saw his truck a block from his girlfriend’s place again, “hidden” under a low-hanging tree. What can I do? I wish I had never married him.

— Tired and Sick at Heart, North End

Dear Tired and Sick at Heart: Your husband has taken the chance he’ll get caught again — and get thrown out. He seems to want that, and it’s a good thing, in one way. You need to be free of him so you can regain your personal power and self-respect.

Your best hope for a new marriage and a loving family is to find work you enjoy. You’ll need a decent job — full or part time — and possibly one where you can work from home, at least part of the time.

If you’re missing your previous job, ask your old boss if you can come back and work, part time at least. If that’s not possible then look for a new job in a related area where you have some experience.

Working again can be your springboard to a happier life. There’s nothing like work friends and financial independence to give you back your pride as an adult. However, this doesn’t mean you don’t go after the child support due to you and the baby.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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