Chalk cabin crush up to loneliness and location

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This article was published 09/08/2024 (776 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband gave me the gift of a week at a beachfront cabin on my own — to wind down after I finished up a giant work project. I was a nervous wreck from working around the clock, and he knew it — but he couldn’t get away from his own work to take me anywhere.

The first couple of days I just walked up and down the long beach, did a lot of crying and slept off the exhaustion. Then a strange thing happened!

I was walking out of my cottage and there, sitting on the sand, was a big guy and his goofy-looking dog, with one ear that stuck up. I love dogs and went right over and asked if I could pet him.

So a little romance started with the man and me and the dog. This guy and I talked and walked with his dog every day. We made picnics and ate sandwiches together, but we never really touched one another, because if we had, I think we both knew there would have been an explosion.

When I finally went home to my sweet unsuspecting husband, I took out my pent-up passion on him! He was delighted and said, “Wow, you must have really missed me.” I felt guilt hit me in the stomach.

But that guilt didn’t stop me. The next morning, I drove back up to the beach without any warning, to see my man there. But guess what? He’d gone home early!

I texted him to ask why. He said he’d left soon after I did, as he didn’t want to spend the next week “all alone on that beach, without me.” Now he thinks it’s too dangerous for him to see me again. He’s single. I’m an emotional mess.

I think I’m in love with two men! Is that even possible?

— Terrible Mess, southwestern Manitoba

Dear Mess: There’s “being in love” and there are “serious crushes” which can arise quickly in a romantic holiday setting. You had all the ingredients for the serious crush — sunlight, breezes, the privacy of an unpopulated beach and a little loneliness. Also, there was a feeling of openness and safety with this guy and his goofy dog.

Then you had hours and hours a day to talk in depth, relax together and let down your guard and laugh, which can be very sexy. On top of that, you were already exhausted, so your normal defences are somewhat down. Too bad your husband couldn’t have chosen to go on the holiday with you!

Unlike you, your beach buddy didn’t have someone to come home to with his lakeside passion. You, on the other hand, had a husband you love to come back to. The kindest thing to do for your beach guy now is to leave him alone to lick his wounds. The Beatles refrain is playing in my mind now: “Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My alcoholic ex-wife is after me for a second chance. She is no longer overweight and bloated, and is competing in long-distance runs again — as if that will make me love her!

She quit drinking and thinks we can forget the terrible things she did and said, and go back to being the way we were before she became a raging alcoholic. And I do mean raging — as in screaming the house down and lying to people, saying I was beating her! I am a non-violent person — I have never, ever spanked the kids or laid a hand on my wife.

She can’t even remember the horrible words she’d scream at me when she was drunk and I couldn’t or wouldn’t make love to her. Her memories of those days are conveniently non-existent.

I started off married to a strong, athletic woman who turned into a drunk and a gambler. I won’t say I “hate” her because that’s against my religion, but I can’t ever respect her after all the horrible things she said and did to me.

How can I get rid of her when she won’t stop phoning and messaging me? She’s been spying on me from her car, too. Our children are in their 20s, and out of the nest. Some calls are even being secretly made from their phone numbers when she’s visiting them, I guess.

— Horrified Ex-Husband, Winnipeg

Dear Horrified: See your lawyer about the harassment, and then legally block your ex-wife from communicating with you or spying on you with a protection order. You can make it illegal for her to come within a certain distance of you in any situation, and if she does, the police can pick her up. If convicted she could be fined, bound by a probation order or imprisoned.

You must teach your kids what a protection order means, so she isn’t allowed to call and harass you from their phone numbers, for instance. Yes, it’ll be hard to talk to your kids about what you have to do now, but everybody needs to be in the know.

Just because your ex-wife isn’t drinking anymore, doesn’t mean she isn’t able to harass people. She needs psychological help, but it isn’t your job now to get that for her. If she runs into serious legal trouble over her behaviour, hopefully she will be forced to get the help she needs.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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