Baby bombshell could be blessing in disguise

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This article was published 03/03/2025 (564 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife’s sick of hearing me tell her that I’m going to quit doing out-of-town sales. I travel a lot and am good at what I do. I love it, plain and simple.

Sadly, we have no kids. My wife and I can’t seem to get a family started after 10 years. We’ve tried everything and seen all the specialists — the works.

Now, my wife has grown suspicious of other women “getting my babies.” She’ll say, “How do I know what you’re up to, when you’re working so far away?” I always tell her there is no one as interesting and beautiful as her. She smiles a little Mona Lisa smile. I try to keep the guilty look off my face.

One night, after way too many beers together, I heard from my best friend (whose wife is best friends with mine) that my woman has not been true to me in recent months. No wonder she was suddenly more tolerant of my travelling for work. I have kept my silence on the topic, so far.

Our sex life had gotten so poor after giving up on trying to conceive that it was down to maybe once a month, if that. Her attitude was, “No babies, no point.”

But recently my wife informed me we are finally expecting a child.

Call me jaded, but almost immediately I had the suspicion this may not be my child. So I asked my wife who else she’d been sleeping with, and she broke down crying and told me, “It was only a few times when I was really lonely without you. He looked so much like you.”

That news bothered me so much I came home three days early from this week’s sales trip, but I couldn’t get in to my own home. The doors were chained from the inside. My wife yelled out the window at me: “Go away.”

Then I guessed she had some guy in there with her. I felt sick, weak at the knees and too heartbroken for a fight. I stumbled to my brother’s house nearby, used my key to get in and drank until I passed out on his basement floor.

What am I supposed to do now? I’ve always been in love with my wife, even if I wasn’t true to her when travelling for work. She’d had some small flirtations before — no sex that I knew of — so I just looked the other way.

But with the pregnancy now, there’s very high likelihood her other guy is responsible for it — not me.

— Freaking Out, Windsor Park

Dear Freaking Out: You may love your wife, but do you really think she didn’t know about your cheating until recently? It seems like she found out at some point and finally joined you in the cheating game — for the greater good.

Sadly, she’s finally pregnant and the biggest question in your mind is, “Who is the guy responsible?”

She really wanted a baby and now there’s one coming. Even if you still had sex once a month, there’s a small chance the baby is yours. Why not just shrug your shoulders and go with that idea? If you continue lambasting your wife with insults and negativity, you might lose both her and the child.

So if the two of you can get past the mutual cheating, maybe consider accepting the pregnancy, no more questions asked, as a gift from above.

Couples counselling would also be helpful as you both need to give the child a healthy and happy home. Be the best husband and dad you can be. Nobody is innocent here, so why not forgive each other and look at the pregnancy as a new chapter in your marriage.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sex drive goes into high gear with warmer weather and I am not talking about ordinary romance. I call myself a “naturist” and I get an all-over tan from spring to fall by lying on my garage roof. My husband thinks I’m crazy, but he knows he gets a lot more sex when I’m revved up during the warmer months.

He worries about planes and drones flying above. Right now he’s out in our garage building movable panels to put around me to at least somewhat obscure the view. He also points to the nearby apartment block windows and balconies from which I may be seen.

I tell him if he screens me too much, I won’t get my total-body tan. My husband secretly thinks a tanned body is sexy. He just wants to keep me to safe and to himself.

— Natural Tan, St. Vital

Dear Natural Tan: It’s exhilarating coming out of the darkness and cold and heading into long days of warm sunlight. Try to get your husband interested in tanning in private places in the country — the edge of a growth of trees is much prettier than panels on a hot roof.

Also consider taking a girlfriend out scouting for spots in the spring. Look for places to park yourselves with lots of trees and the right amount of sun exposure. Wear the best sunscreen you can find and set an alarm. The worst thing you could do is fall asleep and wake up with a head-to-toe burn.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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