Shouldn’t have to split hairs with mom anymore

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother thinks it doesn’t look proper for an athletic guy to have two feet of hair down his back. I’m a 26-year-old student and a long-distance runner, and I live with my parents.

My hair is the only thing I have that women remark on as being special about my looks. My mom keeps asking me to cut it off. My hair is shiny, brown and thick — and in a ponytail all day.

Yes, I’m proud of my ponytail. If I have new girlfriends, I let them take it down and they really love it. What can I do about my mom?

— Hands Off My Hair, Westwood

Dear Hands Off: Your hair should not be your mother’s business anymore. It’s time to look for a job that pays you enough to get out of your parents’ place and find your own nest, no matter how small. Then you can wear your hair without hassle and feel free and happy to meet someone and let your locks flow.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I came home a day early from a three-week business trip because I was missing my wife of one year, and I really wanted to make love with her.

I was surprised to find she was parked in my space and a car I didn’t recognize was parked in her spot. I thought she must have a girlfriend staying over because she always gets lonely when I’m on longer trips.

So I phoned my wife from the parking lot to surprise her and let her know I had come home early. I asked who was parked in her space. She said, “Um … just a minute” and put her hand over the phone.

She came back on, telling me to park on the street for now and we would straighten it out in the morning. I pretended to agree — but my mama didn’t raise no dummy.

I copied down the licence plate, crouched low and waited. Within a minute, I heard somebody coming down the outside steps from our place, and fast.

I popped up, yelled a threat and he took off in his car. I took a photo of him, his car and his licence plate.

When I got upstairs to my wife, she looked shell-shocked. I packed in silence and left saying sarcastically, “See you in court, my love.”

I only felt tough for the moment. She was the love of my life and I’m falling apart inside. I’m so messed up. I had to take a month off of work. I feel embarrassed, lied to and humiliated — and laughed at by her new boyfriend.

The only people I’ve talked to so far about this shock are my parents. I can’t eat, sleep, talk to friends — nothing. Please help me.

— Broken-Hearted, River Heights

Dear Broken: You’ll need to see your physician ASAP to help you recover from the shock you’re suffering, which can make a person quite ill.

Confess to your parents that you’re not eating and how depressed you are, and they will likely want to help you by having you stay with them. Accept the offer.

Having people around you who really love you will help beat back depression. This would also be the time to get the best professional counselling you can find.

As for your fear of people mocking your situation, people don’t generally laugh at others who are being cheated on. Most don’t know it’s happening. It certainly won’t be something your ex and her sex buddy will be bragging about to anybody.

If nosy people do inquire, you can genuinely say, “It was lonely for us because we were apart too much.”

As for seeing your ex-wife again, you’ll need to have at least one or two talks together with a relationship counsellor as a referee to help you face the reasons for the breakup, on both sides.

You may be the kind of guy who can work from afar and have a long-distance relationship, but clearly that isn’t your ex’s way of living happily. There is a more natural match out there for you both.

You might consider looking for a job where you travel less and for shorter periods of time. Then it’s easier to have a relationship and healthy, happy sex life.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.