Clarify fact and fiction for fibbing daughter

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My daughter, who is five, has recently figured out how to lie and she told a big one the other day.

My wife was working last weekend, and I had the Saturday off, so I said my daughter could have some friends over. She invited two friends and both their parents hung around. We sat outside and enjoyed the weather, while our kids played and we watched. We had a great time.

But later that day, my daughter told my wife I was in love with one of the moms who had visited, and that this woman sat on my lap. This was definitely not true, but my daughter is too young to know how serious what she said could be.

Now my wife is giving me the cold shoulder, and I can’t get her to listen to the truth. She says I must have at least been flirting to get my daughter to say what she did. I’m starting to worry about my marriage.

— Totally Innocent, Fort Garry

Dear Innocent: You need to talk to your daughter quietly and seriously about the effects of a lie and how even though it may seem like fun to create a big story, it can hurt other people.

Tell her that made-up stories belong in books, movies and on TV, where everybody should know they are not true.

When reading her a book or starting to watch a show, remind her of the fictional storylines she’s taking in.

Encourage her to ask you or your wife or another adult such as a babysitter if a storyline is true or not. If she doesn’t think to ask the question, start out a book, movie or show, by stressing the fact it’s is a made-up story, and then get right into it — no need for lecturing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife told me seven months ago she wanted a divorce, but we are still living together in our house. We own it together and neither of us can afford to rent another place on our own while maintaining this place.

Also, I’m still stupidly in love with her. I’ve been a real prince and tried to change her mind about breaking up with me, but she doesn’t want to hear it. However, I get the feeling she enjoys being waited on and hearing me beg. For instance, I’ve been doing all the housework, laundry and yard chores. She just goes to work and cooks dinner.

Then she goes out with her new friends. This week I heard from my best friend, who looked embarrassed, that he had heard through the grapevine she’s going out with a new guy.

My heart broke. I love her and don’t want to be alone without her. She says she’s realizing she’s too young to be tied down at 24.

I want her and need her, but she isn’t even kind to me anymore. What should I do?

— Heartbroken, St. Vital

Dear Heartbroken: When people fall out of love with each other, they don’t usually fall back in. Instead of continuing to live with her — wishing and hoping she’ll love you again — you have to face facts. She not only wants her freedom, she’s already taking it. She’s started dating on the sly and has seen at least one new guy.

At this point you need individual counselling with a view to breaking up formally and living apart. The counsellor will help make the whole situation clearer for both of you. For instance, since you do most of the work around the house, it would make sense if you stayed there until it’s sold. She could live with friends or family, so there’s not too much extra expense.

It hurts to face all this when you love this young woman so much, but there will be a new and better love for you down the road.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.