Staying out of ‘she shed’ project not a wise move

Opinion

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My second wife is a beautiful, bullheaded woman. She just tried to collect on the “she shed” I promised to build her when we were about to have sex last Christmas Eve. Frankly, I didn’t want her to build what amounts to a playhouse for overgrown girls. I can’t do that stupid little build. As a contractor, I don’t have time May through October.

I told her that, and she said, “This is no joke, Mister!” Long story short, she’s an independent woman and she got busy. I came home from work this week to find a pile of wood, shingles and other stuff, where she wants her ridiculous shed to be. Inside our home were building plans, enlarged from a magazine. I said, “Look honey, I’d like to help you with your little project, but I have a lot of really important building work right now.”

She said, “No problem, big man. I’ll find a builder and I’ll take care of everything!”

No problem? It’s a big problem. You should see the new builder and his enthusiastic friends. My wife is ecstatic. I’ll just be the unpopular husband now, living off memories of the sex we used to have. Please advise.

— Unhappy Husband, Winnipeg

Dear Unhappy: You broke your promise. Yes, you can try to argue it was extracted from you on the brink of having great sex, but if you know what’s good for your second marriage, you’ll change your attitude and get involved in the project. You could enthusiastically haul home the lighting, heaters, furniture, basic electronics and music sources your wife picks out to make her project come alive.

Whatever you do, don’t make the mistake of downplaying the secret you didn’t keep, by criticizing the work of her builders. If you don’t like the sniff of these guys, just keep it to yourself. Remember, once the shed is up and furnished, your wife will be much less disappointed in you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Just before my wife died she got into a confessional mood and told me, with crocodile tears running down her face, she’d “slept with” my younger brother. I really didn’t need to know that! I grabbed her and said, “Don’t give me the details!” But she was on a roll, and she dumped everything on me.

She wasn’t even crying — just getting it off her chest, like confessing to her priest. I felt myself shrinking away from her in hurt and disgust.

My brother was always the preferred one — the winner in the family. Also, he was bigger and better-looking, with a teasing personality women liked. He had two wives in his short life, plus other women I heard about. He was also quite the booze artist.

As a result of my wife’s confession, I didn’t mourn her, and I still don’t miss her. People wonder why I seem to have recovered so fast.

Now, I have a new problem. I found a new girlfriend — but she wants us to bare our souls to each other. Should I tell her about my wife’s confession?

— Still Hurt and Angry, Westwood

Dear Hurt and Angry: Don’t go there! It wouldn’t be in your best interest to talk about your wife’s affair with any new woman. Certainly, it’d be tempting to tell a new mate and get her sympathy, but that would put undue pressure on her, and it might make it seem you’re not ready for a new relationship yet.

Telling a psychologist or a relationship counsellor would be a safer bet. It could help you heal from the deception and not carry the problem into your new relationship.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.