Take cottage project slowly to avoid flare-ups

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: What started as a romantic new cottage dream for my wife and me may be kaput now. We bought a lot last year and demolished a very old cottage on the property. We also designed our own dream cottage and planned to start building it this summer.

However, my wife is now fearful of going ahead with the project as planned, as there were some fires burning a fair distance from our area — but too near for her comfort.

My wife says she’s freaked out and that she would only be willing to build a cottage in a different part of the province that doesn’t experience such destructive blazes. She says, “You can forget building it this year for sure.”

Waiting on what she wants could involve finding and buying new land and trying to off-load the lot we have. Plus, many other people will likely be jockeying for summer properties.

I just don’t think we’ll find a spot nearly as nice as what we have now, especially if she continues to insist on getting what she wants and when she wants it — right now. Help.

— Anxious to Build, Eastern Manitoba

Dear Anxious: Allow your wife’s mind and body to settle. She may need to see a psychologist or psychiatrist about fire trauma, which can include sleeplessness and nightmares for years if there’s no treatment.

People process stress like this in different ways, and if your wife is too scared to visit the new cabin, it will be very hard on your relationship. So right now it makes sense for the two of you to proceed slowly, even though you don’t want to.

Until the wildfires are well and truly tamed for the season, and cottagers and builders are less anxious, it doesn’t make sense to try to push anyone — particularly your wife — into building now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was out with a new woman for a first date, and just before the bill came, she said, “I have an aversion to bald heads, but you were so darn funny when I met you, I accepted this date and I’m glad I did.”

I said, “But I have an aversion to people being rude, so now you’ll be paying for your half of the cheque … goodnight.”

Then I left money for my half of the bill and a nice tip, and walked out. It’s unlike me to be like this, but I was so mad at her attitude I had to act. What do you think?

— Had Enough. The Forks

Dear Enough: This woman knew she was sticking the knife in a little with her backhanded compliment. Good on you for not simply accepting it. You could have thrown back a personal insult about her lack of class, but you were too much of a gentleman to do that, so you definitely won.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Twenty-four years ago, I was a teenage bride with a baby on board. I gave birth and kept my beautiful red-haired boy. My so-called husband soon took off on his own to Alberta for work. He never came back to us.

My child has been a great son, and he is now also a loving young husband, despite the fact he didn’t have a dad present to teach him fatherly things. His biological father dad didn’t want anything to do with his child.

This spring, my grown-up boy decided to look up that father in Alberta and pay him a visit. He took his wife and their toddler, who also has curly red hair. They only visited my ex for part of one afternoon, and took a few photos. My boy wanted his baby to have some pictures of his grandpa for his photo albums. Done.

But now my son is back home, none of us can avoid grandpa — and what a pest. He’s been phoning and phoning. He says he wants to be involved in all our lives now, and I bet it’s all because of that grandson. As if he can take any credit in my son’s life. So how do we get rid of him?

— Persistent Papa Problem, Interlake

Dear Persistent: “How do we get rid of him?” It’s really not up to you to decide all the rules at this point. That beautiful red-haired baby of yours is now a grown man with a son. He went to Alberta and visited his biological father, and that was his decision to make.

Grandpa seems to have become more mature in his family outlook now, and was enamoured with his grandchild — no surprise. Would you have preferred a different result?

Grandpa may even have a relationship with both this son and grandson from now on, so it’s really time for you to soften up a little, even though the situation still stings you.

As for your grandson’s desires down the road, maybe he will want an active grandfather in his life. There’s no reason for that to be denied.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.