Prying into private places proves problematic

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband was far away on a fishing trip with his buddies and I was miffed that I had nothing to do, all alone at home.

It was hot out — except in our basement — so I had a few cocktails and went down into the “dungeon,” as we call it, determined to finally get into my husband’s so-called private locker.

The lock gave way on the second to last old key I had rounded up from a houseful of old drawers. I felt a little guilty, but went in anyway.

Inside, there were mostly old jackets and outdated sports equipment, but there was one small green box tied with a cord in a bottom corner, behind a bunch of other stuff.

I pulled it out and bingo, it was love letters, though not from me. Then I got the shock of my life — they were from another man! I’m still in shock, and haven’t said anything to him. I didn’t know my husband was bisexual, or used to be! I still can’t believe what I read. Now what? Please help!

— Still in Shock, Manitoba

Dear Still in Shock: Some people can love either a man or a woman, and not be untrue to them or even feel the need to express the other side of their sexuality. They just love the person they’re with. This may be the case with your husband.

Look, you’re not going to be able to sit on this for long, but what you might do is get some private counselling before you confess what you found. Then tread lightly with your husband.

His reaction to your snooping into his private past might bother him, even more than the revelation of his past relationship with a man.

How would you feel if he’d gone to great pains to break into your private things while you were away, and then confronted you with details of your romantic past, from way before he even met you? What if you had enjoyed a relationship with a woman that ended long ago?

There are many things to consider, before blowing sky high. Hopefully you and your husband have found a deep and lasting love with each other, and the past doesn’t matter so much now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m longing to see my new man from the folk festival! We spent three days together — and two great nights — in my tent. I noticed he had a gold ring in a cup in his tent, but I didn’t ask about it. He seemed a little sad sometimes, but I could make him laugh.

He wasn’t volunteering any personal information, so we talked about the festival acts, the night sky, and the funny people around us — they were dancing and having a ball. He didn’t seem to have much money for buying stuff, except basic food, so I bought us treats. I didn’t ask any personal questions.

Mostly we just watched the performances, and made love in my tent when the night was over. It was perfect! But now that he’s gone from my life, I’m missing him so badly! How can I find him and be with him? He did mention having a job, but didn’t say what he did, and said it “wasn’t important.”

There was so much going on around us at the festival, we didn’t get into his personal problems. But when he kissed me goodbye, it went on and on — like he didn’t want to let me go. It felt sad, like a last kiss, to me.

I really want to find him again, but I don’t know where to look. What should I do?

— Missing Him, Westwood

Dear Missing Him: This man is probably married, as you fear, and you should be aware he could likely find you easily, if he wanted to! No doubt you told him all about yourself and gave him your correct phone number and email, plus you’re probably on social media, too.

You’re bound to go through some pain now over this guy, and you’ll finally get through it. But chances are he’ll be back at the folk fest again next year — perhaps on the lookout for you, for some more fun and “romance.” But that would likely just mean more pain for you in the end. If you happen to see him there next year, don’t give him more than a wave. He doesn’t deserve it!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.