Keep hubby’s job-stress worry between you and doc

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m wondering if I should tell my husband’s boss, whom we now know socially after a summer of golfing, that he should go easier on my guy at work. He’s working my poor man so hard, and there’s heart disease in my husband’s family.

I wonder if my husband is actually just volunteering to go the extra 100 miles because that’s his character. I just don’t want him to die early of a heart attack like his brother did.

I feel like opening my big mouth and saying something to his boss at an event coming up. Should I?

— Concerned Wife, South End

Dear Worried: Confess to your husband what you’re feeling — about how he seems to be toiling for this boss and you’re worried about losing him the same way his brother went. Just don’t go after his boss to ease up on him. That’s not your domain and it wouldn’t be appreciated by either your husband or his boss.

Someone who may be able to assist here is your husband’s physician. Ask if you can accompany your man to an appointment, and then you share your worries with him. You might say your husband is pushing himself too hard, especially in light of how his brother lost the battle with his ticker.

The doctor may want to do some tests if he hasn’t already. Your husband may not have the same kind of cardiac situation as his brother.

As for home stress, you can have some influence there for both of you by getting into rest and relaxation habits to balance out your hubby’s stressful working days.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was sitting on a bench at Assiniboine Park watching the leaves fall and a guy started coming my way looking too business-like. He also looked familiar to me, and he was dressed in a suit. I finally realized with a little shock it really was my first boyfriend, who now looks like a younger version of his dad, but with shorter hair.

I had heard he became a Vancouver business guy and was doing very well for himself. I also heard he just moved back here to stay.

He saw me and came over smiling. I asked him how he liked working back in Winnipeg with his family and he said he loved his job but lost touch with most of his old friends when he moved to Vancouver. He admitted to being a bit lonely.

Then he said, “Mostly, that’s because my husband and I broke up a year ago. He didn’t move back here with me.” His husband? I didn’t know he was gay or married.

Then my head started reeling. I’ve never known many gay people. Did he actually want to be with a guy when he was young? Was our relationship just cover for his parents’ sake? I wanted to ask him so many questions right then and there, but I didn’t feel close enough to quiz him about anything.

Now it’s all I think about. I even wonder if it felt weird kissing me — a girl — when he really wanted a guy. If I befriend him now, I’m going to want to know all about these things and maybe it’s none of my business.

What do you think? Could we be friends? Is it even possible?

— Ex From Another World, Charleswood

Dear Another World: Life has presented you with a chance to be friends with him and maybe someday — but not too soon — you can ask him all your unanswered questions. Perhaps he kissed you when you were young because kissing a person you like was a new kind of thrill and he didn’t really know where he stood sexually.

There are so many possibilities. He may have thought, “Maybe I’ll find out if I am attracted to girls,” or “I wish this was a guy I liked.” Or it may not have made him think much at all, except that he was enjoying a kiss and whatever might come next, if anything.

His whole life at that time must have felt like a storm of questions — and then he finally sorted it out and met someone he loved. Be kind and careful with him, as he’s going through the loss of his marriage. That may seem foreign to you, but it’s his difficulty reality.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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