Don’t get hung up on labelling new pal’s sexuality

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a new work friend who has never had a boyfriend, but she has quite a number of girlfriends. They often stay at her house overnight to drink and play board games.

At first, I thought they slept over because of the cold weather or because of how many cocktails they consumed, but my older sister said, “Wake up. These are not straight women.”

To which I replied that I didn’t think that was true because my friend had a husband once, but got divorced. My sister rolled her eyes and said, “So what? She’s likely bisexual.”

What do you think? Should I just ask her?

— Confused, Exchange District

Dear Confused: This is a new buddy in your workplace, so it would be best to avoid trying to label her. Her sexuality doesn’t matter a whit to her job, even though it piques your curiosity.

Your new friend has likely had to deal with sexual labelling from others and doesn’t need more of it from you or anybody else. If she wants you to know something about her sexuality, she’ll tell you once she trusts you enough.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a crush on an un-gettable woman — my friend’s beautiful new wife from another country. Her accent is so cute and she is beautiful and easy to get along with, especially compared with Canadian women, who are always correcting their men.

I can’t just ask her to bring over a woman from her country for me, but I’d sure like to meet some.

— Yearning for Something Different, St. James

Dear Yearning: Your best bet is to be honest with your friend’s new wife and see if she would want to set you up — but don’t be surprised if she says no.

If you are seriously interested in meeting someone from a different part of the world, you could consider finding a way to go abroad and find work in your field. It would take some effort, as far as visas and qualifications, but immersing yourself in a different culture could be an enlightening experience for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t recognize the man I married anymore. He was once a hard worker, intelligent, good in bed and athletic. I was proud to be with him.

But after five years of wedlock, he took a different job in a smaller Manitoba city and totally uprooted us. I had to get a transfer to follow him, but I managed to get a decent position.

I have never seen a man under so much pressure. He works a lot of extra hours, yet more and more work responsibilities keep being placed on his shoulders.

The result is he’s started drinking while he’s still working from home in the evening, owing to the pressure of trying to meet so many deadlines.

Last night I found him passed out on his desk from the combination of fatigue and booze. Now I’m getting scared. Please help.

— Worried Wife, Interlake

Dear Worried Wife: It’s time for you to reach out for trained help at Al-Anon meetings, which are for the family and friends of alcoholics. You can get excellent support for this worrisome situation.

If you can’t get out to the in-person meetings, online meetings are also an option. For detailed information on meetings and other Al-Anon Manitoba supports, check out their website at mbnwo-alanon.org.

Al-Anon can help you cope with navigating this troubling situation and also aid you in figuring out the best way to talk to your husband about his drinking and what supports are available for him.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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