Brazen borrower needs straight talk

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/10/2019 (2516 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

By Elizabeth Thompson, originally published in the Winnipeg Free Press on March 9, 1944

 

Dear Mrs. Thompson: I have a neighbour who is continually borrowing. I would not mind so much if she would return things. The only way I can seem to get them back is by going to the house and asking for them. This often embarrasses me, for she doesn’t seem to remember or puts on a “Why, I’m sure I paid back” attitude. Half the time I forget things she has borrowed and they remain unpaid.

She has young children, and when she asks for milk and bread in the morning, I can’t refuse her, because I’d feel so badly about the children going to school doing without.

I might add that she is very well off and has hired help, so there is no excuse for her being such a poor housekeeper. I never have told her and never could say what I wish to, as we like to be on good terms with our neighbours. I would like your advice on how to stop her from habitually borrowing, without harming our neighbourly goodwill attitude towards each other.

— Fed Up

 

Dear Fed Up: Most effective remedy would be to stop lending. Every time she sends for something, be firm and say, “I’m terribly sorry, but I’m right out of that myself.” Don’t worry about the children going hungry for once. It won’t hurt them, and if they make enough fuss, their mother may pay more attention to keeping supplies at hand.

Since the woman is prosperous, it is likely that she has no intention of chiselling, but really does forget both to buy things herself and to pay them back. You have been encouraging her shiftless ways by your attitude. Consistent refusal to pinch-hit will make her stand on her own feet. And if you are ever caught with a request when the bread and milk are in plain sight, ask the borrower to sign a receipt. Get one of those five-cent receipt books and say more or less jokingly, “Just to keep the record straight, I’d like you to sign this. I’ll give it back when you return the stuff so you’ll be able to prove you paid it back if I ask for it twice.” Children old enough to go to school can usually sign their names.

Use of the receipt system would avoid embarrassment when you had to ask for things back, but refusal to lend at all would avoid the necessity of asking.

 

Read other letters from our archives at wfp.to/ageoldadvice.