Causes, impact of loneliness explored

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/04/2025 (526 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

In 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic swept across the globe, infecting millions of people. In So Lonely: Our Desire for Community – and What Drives Us Apart, Hilde Østby examines some of the forces that keep people from connecting with each other in what she calls a second pandemic of loneliness — one that continues to plague communities around the world.

Østby is a writer whose works include The Key to Creativity and My Belly. Her works of fiction have received critical acclaim, and she has written literary criticism for Norway’s largest newspaper. She lives in Oslo.

So Lonely begins with Østby’s examination of some of the causes and effects of loneliness. She discusses the effects of isolation during the pandemic, when what she describes as a “colossal loneliness experiment” had people locked indoors for months at a time, with few chances to see or hear others except through the inadequate means of computers or phones.

Because of pandemic measures, some people were left without medical care, while children could be trapped indoors with abusive parents, while many older students were confined to small apartments with only a few hours of online classes to relieve their boredom.

The importance of touch is another issue Østby highlights. Just as young, orphaned children in Romania during the time of Nicolae Ceausescu failed to develop physically or mentally because of the lack of real human contact, during the pandemic many were left without the chance even to shake hands with others. The psychological damage coming from people’s enforced separation may not yet be fully evident, Østby notes, but it is already changing society for the worse.

Even terrorism, according to Østby, has its roots in loneliness, as disaffected young people, mostly male, find themselves pushed to the margins of society. They can end up being radicalized because they find a kind of community among those who wish to dismantle society and impose their own ideas on others.

International adoptions are among the other trends Østby says can also be part of the process by which loneliness dismantles the foundations of our society. And according to the author, a major cause of loneliness is a loss of trust and the insecurity that comes with an inability to depend on others.

Readers might not agree with all of Østby’s conclusions, but she presents a compelling case that exclusion and violence are part of the same phenomenon, and that dealing with the problem of loneliness could impact other crises we face.

In general, So Lonely is a well-written volume that’s easy to follow, although some readers might be unfamiliar with some of the images and examples the author employs. She frequently uses the Moomin stories of Tove Jansson and the 2011 terrorist attacks on Norway as illustrations of her main points, which might make parts of the book somewhat inaccessible for Canadian readers.

However, Østby explains enough for most readers to get an idea of what she means, and further information is readily available online. Those interested in gaining a better understanding of the challenges the world has faced, and is facing, will find much to like in So Lonely.

Susan Huebert is a Winnipeg writer and pet sitter.