Raising her voice

Imagine an alternate universe where sexual assault survivors are believed, E. Jean Carroll is encouraged to pursue justice in 1996 — immediately following a rape that occurs in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room — and Donald Trump is behind bars instead of the Oval Office.

We all know that’s not what happened. Instead, gaslighting, victim blaming and denial occurred for 27 years until Carroll, a popular Elle magazine advice columnist and survivor of sexual assault, finally faced off with her assailant in a New York civil courtroom in pursuit of justice.

Not My Type: One Woman vs. a President is that story. It reveals how Carroll came to be in that now-infamous Bergdorf Goodman dressing room with the future president in the late 1990s, what happened and how she would never be the same.

Written in the style and flare of a cheeky advice columnist, the story begins and ends with the case that led to a highly publicized award of US$83.3 million for defamation and US$5 million for sexual abuse.

In keeping with what is widely known about victim-blaming on the courtroom stand, the first page opens with a Q&A between Carroll and Trump’s lawyer, Ms. Alina Habba, who asks “I hate to ask you this, but — approximately how many people do you think you’ve slept with?”

Carroll not only shares the information — eight lovers in total — but is also compelled under oath in a videotaped deposition in the commonly known “Trump Rape Trial” to give detail about each of her lovers. It’s worth noting that Trump is never required to list the number of sexual partners he’s had.

Carroll also highlights the fascination and endless nitpicking regarding her wardrobe and appearance during the trial. After losing two “mock” trials because the jury ultimately leaned towards believing Trump’s assessment that the 81-year-old woman is, in Trump’s words, “not my type,” she undergoes a transformation to look like someone who was once his type before heading into the real trial.

The legal team also hires trauma specialist Dr. Leslie Lebowitz, creator of the sexual assault response protocol for the United States Air Force, to assess the veracity of Carroll’s allegation. Through this exchange, the impact of the rape and its long-reaching effects are examined. “Ms. Carroll’s self-blame and her efforts to avoid ever being in a similarly dangerous situation have had far-reaching consequences for her life, most notably in the area of intimate relationships with men,” Dr. Lebowitz stated during deposition.

Then, in Carroll’s own words: “In other words: I flirted with Trump. The flirting led to the assault. I blame myself. And because I blame myself for the assault, I never flirt with an eligible man again.”

Carroll admits that from that moment onward, she has remained “shut down” and refuses to risk intimacy ever again. No flirting. No romance. No sex. Ever again.

“It costs everything: the joy, the elation of sharing a life, going for a swim with your lover, cuddling, fixing dinner, making bets, playing Scramble… I lack the desire to desire. And I totally lack the drive to be desirable.”

As dark and serious as the courtroom trials remain — even through the revelation that Carroll never screamed during the attack, and the implosion of support from women around the world who reveal they never screamed either — Not My Type is more than just an anatomy of a trial.

It reveals the survivor’s grace and wit and tenacity, making it an empowering tale of feminism and fortitude.

Rochelle Squires is a book lover who also believes survivors do not have to scream, kick or punch to be believed. If you or anyone you know has experienced sexual assault and needs help, call the toll-free number in Manitoba: 1-888-292-7565.