Welcome (back) to the jungle

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This article was published 26/06/2016 (3747 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Movies

BIG RELEASE FRIDAY: The Legend of Tarzan

BIG PICTURE: This is less of an origin story and more of a rebirth. Apparently, you can take the man out of the jungle, but you can’t take the jungle out of the man. Tarzan leaves civilization — and his early retirement as Lord of the Apes — to beat his chest and play king of the jungle again. It’s like Planet of the Apes meets Crocodile Dundee meets The Jungle Book meets… Alexander Skarsgård (True Blood) perpetually shirtless. Thankfully, this wildling can string together more words than “Me Tarzan, you Jane.” Of course, an epic confrontation looms between colonial military forces (led by Hollywood’s favourite villain, Christoph Waltz) and Tarzan, with just about every jungle animal under the latter’s command. Margot Robbie plays Jane, Tarzan’s wife and perpetual kidnapping victim. If this movie succeeds, how long before Batman v. Superman v. Tarzan hits the theatres? Throw in a few green apes mutated by kryptonite to level the playing field and we’re talking blockbuster.

FORECAST: Audiences will go ape. But given Skarsgård’s vampire credentials, I predict a twist ending in which he leads an army of undead apes to destroy mankind. Move over, Dracula, there’s a new king of the undead jungle.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS: The BFG, The Purge: Election Year. The BFG tells the heartwarming tale of a young girl who befriends the only big friendly giant in Giant Country. Meanwhile, The Purge: Election Year finds The Purge 2: Anarchy survivor Leo Barnes (Frank Grillo) protecting a female presidential candidate (Elizabeth Mitchell). Of course, they’re quickly duped into exile on Washington, D.C.’s lawless streets on — you guessed it — the night of the annual Purge, when humanity collectively goes to the Dark Side overnight. (Am I the only one who would have preferred the hybrid film The Purge: Notorious BFG?)

 

TV

BIG EVENTS: The Amazing Race Canada (CTV, Tuesday, 7 p.m.)

BIG PICTURE: Host Jon Montgomery returns for Season 4, but it’s all about the teams, always chosen to represent a wide cross-section of Canadians. There’s Joel and Ashley, a father-and-daughter duo and proud members of Enoch Cree Nation. (Did I mention Ashley is also currently Miss Universe?) Then there’s twin sisters, married couples, eccentric parent-child duos, same-sex couples, young female business partners and even a pair of exes familiar to reality-TV lovers. Former Big Brother Canada romantic item Emmett and Jillian (she was the Season 1 winner) return for an additional 15 minutes of fame — their romance long since turned into a friendship. The teams’ mottos are as Canadian as back bacon, from “Always race like you’re in last place” to “Don’t step on people to win, unless they get in your way.” Where’s the bold, brash mottos like “Making Canada great again” or “First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy, hairy chest?”

FORECAST: I’m shocked Justin Trudeau and his wife, Sophie, aren’t among the competitors. The camera loves them, and the feeling seems mutual. (I’d pay good money to see the prime minister yoga-peacock-pose his way across Canada.)

HONOURABLE MENTIONS: Greatest Hits (Thursday, ABC, 8 p.m.), Marcella (Friday, Netflix, 2:01 a.m.). Do you remember Arsenio Hall? Do you also remember hits from the 1980s, ’90s and 2000s? Then tune in as everything from Wonderwall to This is How We Do It are performed anew — and reinvented — by various artists well past their prime. (With apologies to CeeLo Green, Coolio, En Vogue, Foreigner, Chicago and the Backstreet Boys). It beats karaoke. Barely. Meanwhile, Anna Friel stars as a London detective who returns to active duty to catch a serial killer she failed to identify years earlier. Given she can’t trust her own memory or instincts, the case is unlikely to be solved in one episode, like your average neat-at-as-bow police procedural.

 

Music

BIG RELEASES FRIDAY: Blink-182 (California), Magic! (Primary Colours)

BIG PICTURE: Signs of musical desperation: 1. Naming an album, song or band after a state or city (notable exception to this rule: indie-pop heavyweight Sufjan Stevens). 2. Having a number in your band title. This is your chance to prove me wrong, Blink-182. To be fair, the band has brought in a fresh face in vocalist-guitarist Matt Skiba (replacing Tom DeLonge), so their seventh studio album kind of marks a fresh start. Meanwhile, Canadian reggae-pop quartet Magic! releases their sophomore album. While there’s no denying their talent, there’s also no denying their band name still sounds like it was test-marketed on pre-schoolers and Dungeons & Dragons fans. Their two Juno Awards — including for Breakthrough Group — were deserved, and they’ve built a global audience. Their success raises the distinct possibly of copycat bands called Enchanted, Mystical and Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

FORECAST: You shouldn’t blink twice, let alone 182 times. Sigh. But it probably won’t be long before Canada’s Sum 41 plays copycat and puts out an album called Ontario.

HONOURABLE MENTION: Grace (FMA). The young Australian vocal powerhouse releases her debut album in North America. Is an 18-year-old already allowed to brand herself by one name? (Do you know how many years women such as Madonna, Oprah and Beyoncé had to work to get to that point? Young people just have no respect.) Grace is being touted as older and wiser than her years, but song titles such as Boys, Boys, Boys, Coffee and Boyfriend Jeans don’t exactly give me high hopes.

Twitter: @chrislackner79