The big Chill

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 31/07/2010 (5544 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

LIFE sucks when you’re a Cold Sucks. And you better get used to playing second fiddle if you’re a Froster.

Earlier this month, Winnipeg was crowned "Slurpee Capital of the World" for the 11th year in a row. "Over the years, love for the Slurpee has created a friendly competition between regions across Canada," said 7-Eleven vice-president Tim Donegan, announcing our burg’s latest title defence. "Calgary gives Manitoba a run for its money, but Manitobans appear to love their Slurpee drinks the most."

That’s all fine, good and loaded with calories, but what about slush-style concoctions that don’t hail from 7-Eleven? How high would sales numbers be if they included every Icee, Slush Puppie and Cool Stop consumed, on an average plus-bazillion day?

"I don’t know how many Slurpees ‘Sev’ sells, but I guarantee you, on a hot, summer afternoon, we probably go through as many Big Cools as they do (Slurpees)," says a Red River Co-op employee who’s willing to list his favourite flavour (Dr. Pepper), but not his name. "But yeah, all you hear in the news is Slurpee-capital this, Slurpee-capital that. I think it’s time somebody put in a word for the others."

Your wish, our command.

Inspired by our gas jockey’s comments, we recently conducted a taste test of Slurpee-style drinks. Armed with a $10 slush fund and an ice-filled cooler, we hit five different locales that sold frozen carbonated beverages. Then we raced home, where four thirsty judges were standing by, straws in hand.

THE PANEL:

James Hope Howard is a librarian and Uptown magazine columnist who pens a blog titled Slurpees and Murder: Living In, Living With and Living Through Winnipeg. "When I named the blog, I was searching for two things that really defined this city," Howard says, adding that if forced to choose, he would take Slurpees over homicide, any day of the week.

Ben MacPhee-Sigurdson writes a weekly wine column for the Winnipeg Free Press, and has fond memories of sipping lime Slurpees in front of his childhood 7-Eleven, at the corner of Portage Avenue and Rouge Road. "It’s not there anymore — they totally levelled it," MacPhee-Sigurdson says, with a faraway look in his eyes. "But it’s not totally dead; there’s actually a Facebook page devoted to it that has hundreds of members." (Reporter checks under table to see if any sommeliers are pulling his leg.)

Jakob Sanderson and Tim Brabant play baseball for the Winakwa Warriors, a Peewee squad that practises a line drive away from a Mac’s Convenience Store — home of the Froster. "I actually like Frosters best," Sanderson says, listing Barq’s Cream Soda as his go-to flavour. "I find Frosters don’t turn to ice as quickly as Slurpees do."

Brabant (Cream Soda Crush) disagrees. "I think Frosters are too watery; I enjoy ice chunks at the bottom of my cup."

 

SLUSH

Mississippi Jack’s Convenience Centre, 1034 Beaverhill Blvd. (Available flavours: Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Cream Soda Crush, Brisk Lemonade)

Jakob: Looking at it, you can really make out the different layers…

James: But I’ve gotta say — I’m not exactly impressed by the name Slush.

Ben: Yeah, what’s with the generic name? It’s like the Acme of Slurpees…

Tim: And there aren’t any graphics on the cup, either. It’s just clear.

James: I agree — that might be good for high-end gelato, but not for a Slurpee.

Ben: I do like the idea of the lemonade. (Takes sip.) I’ll give it three out of five.

James: I’ll give it a three, too, but I’m going to take half a point back for presentation.

 

COOL STOP

Petro-Canada, 1485 St. Mary’s Rd. (Available flavours: Pepsi, 7-Up, Orange Crush, Grape)

Ben: It’s not holding together too well. You can see all the flavours floating down to the bottom.

Jakob: It’s messed up, all right.

Ben: And it tastes like vitamins.

James: It’s a lot stronger than the last one — I’d describe it as "vibrant."

Jakob: It’s so sweet, I don’t think you could handle 790 millilitres by yourself.

Tim: I’ll give it a three — I don’t mind it.

Jakob: One. I can’t drink it.

James: I’m inclined to go two and a half.

Ben: I’m going to go two.

 

COLD SUCKS

Mohawk, 1025 St. Mary’s Rd. (Available flavours: Pepsi, Orange Crush, Mug Root Beer, Mountain Dew)

Ben: I don’t really see the orange in there — maybe it was the layering technique. What was the criteria for filling these things, anyway?

Free Press: Anything and everything.

Ben: It would have been interesting to try a straight Coke Slurpee from 7-Eleven, versus one from Mac’s. To see if one uses more ice than syrup.

Jakob: I really like the mascot on the cup — that’s worth a point by itself.

James: Though I don’t know if it’s a good idea to have the word "suck" in your product. (Takes sip.) So far, this reaches closest to the Slurpee ideal. I’m going to give this dude five; it definitely performs its purpose.

Tim: The root beer is really good in this one. Mug is by far the best — four for me.

Ben: Whoa — I just got a late brain freeze from that last one. (Massages temple, then takes sip of Monster Sucker.) OK — this one is good. I’m going to give it a full five.

 

FROSTER

Mac’s, 680 St. Anne’s Rd. (Available flavours: Twelve, including Crystal Light Arctic, Fanta Yumberry, Fanta Black Currant, Coke and Pomegranate Passion Fruit)

Ben: Strictly based on looks, I like the Froster the best. The design is kind of futuristic. And I had a cooler recently that had Yumberry — this is going to be interesting.

Tim: I like the 12-flavours thing. That’s definitely a plus.

Jakob: (Takes sip.) Eww, gross. There’s too much berry in there — I feel like I’m being flooded with anti-oxidants.

Ben: It tastes like blackberry jam. No, raspberry jam. This would definitely be a candidate for mixing with booze — maybe vodka or gin. (Moderator volunteers to fetch a bottle of Smirnoff from inside the house.) No, thanks. I might be tempted to add too much, to make it not so sweet. Then I’d have a new set of problems.

James: It’s… it’s… what’s an adjective for berry?

Jakob: The texture is really good — just not the mix of flavours.

Ben: Yeah — I think this one had potential, but there was some definite chooser’s error involved.

James: Why do I keep drinking it?

 

BIG COOL

Red River Co-op, 1621 St. Mary’s Rd. (Available flavours: Eight, including Minute Maid Orange, Dr. Pepper, Barq’s Cream Soda and Grape Crush)

Ben: I hate to say, but this one already seems watered down.

Tim: (Tries to stand straw up in glass.) You’re right — it’s very watery.

Jakob: And it tastes like cough medicine — and that’s not a good thing.

Ben: It’s definitely not as sweet as the first four.

James: I agree — it’s the least sweet of the whole shebang. My advice to Co-op members is not to spend your refund cheque on Big Cools. I give this dude two out of five.

Jakob: I’ll give it two, but mostly cuz of the guy with the sunglasses — it’s got a great logo.

Ben: Two from me, too, but all for the logo. That’s how I judge wine, too, sometimes.

James: I think we should mix all five together, now, and create the ultimate swamp water.

Ben: You first.

 

david.sanderson@freepress.mb.ca