Haiku Horoscopes

By: Jonathan Ball, Registered Fraud Posted:

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/10/2013 (4758 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

óè

No matter what, don’t

Forget you have amnesia

And are someone else

TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)

óè

As a Taurus you

Would make a good partner for

Pisces or Cancer

GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)

óè

In the future, you

Will use your flying car to

Taxi aliens

CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)

óè

Avoid the Taurus

At all costs — you would be best

Matched to a Pisces

LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)

óè

You know what they say:

You only live once, but you

Can yolo three times

VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)

óè

Once again, Alice

Munro has outshined your star

Prepare your revenge

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

óè

Boys will be boys, and

Werewolves will be werewolves, and

This week will be tough

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)

óè

To the victor go

The spoils — so give Victor all

Of that spoiled turkey

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)

óè

In this fast-paced world

One thing always stays the same:

Everything sucking

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)

óè

The prophecy hath

Come to pass, and the water

Bill hath cometh due

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)

óè

Don’t waste your time with

Little things, like nanotech

Robot assassins

PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)

óè

You know what would be

Great? If you never spoke to

Cancer or Taurus

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