Have a monster time on Frankenstein Day

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This article was published 30/08/2017 (3246 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

There are still two months until Halloween, but today is a special day for people like me who enjoy being scared out of their wits by gigantic green creatures that move at the speed of airport luggage.

You are going to have a hard time believing this, but I assure you this is the truth — today, Aug. 30, along with being the 242nd day of the year, is also Frankenstein Day.

For those of you who are not old enough to remember when a pudgy Canuck named William Shatner was captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise, I will point out that Frankenstein is the coolest old-school monster of all time, a big-booted, green-skinned giant that an obsessed scientist cobbled together from exhumed body parts, then animated with electricity, much the way we in the mainstream media assume Donald Trump was created back in the day.

Q: Why is today Frankenstein Day?

A: Because today is the birthday of English author Mary Shelley, who was born Aug. 30, 1797, and went on to publish arguably the greatest horror novel of all time, Frankenstein, or The Modern Prometheus, in 1818, which, for those of you who can no longer remember Grade 5 math, was 199 years ago.

“Considered to be a predecessor of modern-day science fiction, Frankenstein recounts the story of scientist Victor Frankenstein and his experiment that ends with the creation of a human-like creature,” chirps the website TimeandDate.com.

“Halloween may be two months away, but that doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate Frankenstein Day by hosting a Frankenstein-themed party. Decorate your venue as a lab, serve green-coloured food, and bake a cake with Frankenstein’s face on it. Think of this as a dress rehearsal for your Halloween party!”

The really cool thing is that Shelley wrote her iconic novel as part of a contest. Shelley and her future husband, Percy Shelley, were on vacation in Geneva, Switzerland, when their travelling companions, Lord Byron and John Polidori, proposed they play an exceptionally literary game — see who could hammer out the best horror story.

It would be fair to say Mary Shelley won, considering almost 200 years later her chilling novel is the most frequently assigned book on university reading lists in the United States.

I plan to celebrate Frankenstein Day in a big way — possibly with a breakfast of green eggs and ham — because I have always been a huge fan of the goofy green monster, despite the fact that, at top speed, he is slower than a golf cart.

In her modern masterpiece of the macabre (look at how many M words I just used), Shelley’s monster is not nearly as monstrous as you might think. In fact, the creature is intelligent, articulate and deeply wounded by the fact that people are afraid of him and hate him for his unusual appearance.

What with being an overweight, middle-aged newspaper columnist who rarely gets off the couch in his den, I can identify with that.

Also, I have reached an age where, just like Frankenstein, I am usually dead on my feet and most of the people I meet think I have a couple of screws loose.

Back when I was a kid, we worshipped Frankenstein because (a) he was bigger than Hulk Hogan; (b) he was (bad word) green; and (c) he could easily replace any body part that was accidentally ripped off by one of his monster buddies, such as the Wolf Man.

I realize some readers grew up worshipping Dracula, but, if you think about it, even though he could turn into a bat, the count was a bit of a weenie because (a) he couldn’t go out and scare people in the daytime; (b) his big scary move was nibbling on people’s necks; and (c) it is hard to respect any monster who dresses like the maitre d’ at a French restaurant or a kid attending his high-school prom.

Q: Doug, you do know that Frankenstein was technically the name of the obsessed scientist, not the monster, right?

A: Yes. Now shut up before Igor steals your brain!

I will take a moment to point out here that I am not the only literary-type person who continues to be obsessed with Frankenstein’s monster. For the record, the National Endowment for the Humanities in the U.S. has given an arts and culture non-profit group, Indiana Humanities, US$300,000 for a series of events celebrating Shelley’s novel, including Frankenfest in Indianapolis, an all-day event for people to read Frankenstein while drinking beer.

“On Sept. 30, we’re kicking everything off with Frankenfest at the Indiana Medical History Museum,” Indiana Humanities announced on its website.

“Some of the highlights include an all-day read-a-thon in the Old Pathology Building’s operating theatre, an onsite Franks-N-Steins beer garden featuring Central State Brewing beers and King David Dogs, a pop-up exhibit of rare anatomical books from the Ruth Lilly Medical Library at the IU School of Medicine; hands-on art-making activities and Frankengames, and many other surprises. You don’t want to miss this one-of-a-kind event!”

Argue if you must, but the 1931 movie version of Frankenstein contains the greatest line in film history, the moment when the monster gets zapped to life and his creator shrieks: “It’s alive. It’s alive… It’s alive, it’s moving, it’s alive! It’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive! It’s ALIVE!”

While celebrating today, however, I will take a moment to recall Frankenstein’s tragic demise, when villagers armed with pitchforks and torches burn down a windmill with the monster trapped inside.

So, yes, it was a fiery end for Frankenstein, which reminds me of one last hot fact you need to know — today also happens to be National Toasted Marshmallow Day.

Eat enough of those and you, too ,will be a lovely shade of green.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca