Take solace in the summer solstice

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/06/2018 (2952 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Get ready to dance in the streets, Winnipeg, because there is only one more sleep until it arrives.

For those of you who have been in a coma since the Jets got bounced out of the Stanley Cup playoffs, the “it” I am talking about is the first day of (bad word) summer.

Yes, kids, slip into your Bermuda shorts, fire up the backyard barbecue, slather your face with SPF 500 sunscreen, fill the cooler with ice-cold beers and start blowing up the inflatable pool, because summer rolls into town Thursday morning.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking: “Huh?” You are having this vital thought because, in all honesty, we have already had some wicked hot days and the football season is underway, which has led most of us to assume that summer is already here.

Meteorologically speaking, that is correct. For weather prognosticators, summer began about three weeks ago.

From an astronomical perspective, however, the first day of summer formally arrives in Winnipeg on Thursday, June 21, precisely at 5:07 a.m., which is the moment the summer solstice rolls into town.

The summer solstice is when the sun reaches its northernmost point — directly over the Tropic of Cancer, an imaginary line in the sky — and the Earth’s North Pole tilts directly towards the sun, at about 23.4 degrees.

Here in the Northern Hemisphere, it marks the longest day of the year in terms of sunlight; whereas in the Southern Hemisphere (prepare to feel sad) it’s the shortest day of the year and known as the winter solstice.

Tragically, for us northerners, from Thursday on out, the days will get a bit shorter each day until the winter solstice trudges into our hemisphere in December.

What you need to know, however, is that the arrival of the summer solstice is traditionally a time for celebrations around the world.

Every year, for instance, thousands of hipsters and druids (an early form of hipster) descend on Stonehenge, England’s legendary circle of standing stones, face northeast and wait for the second when the sun rises above the famed Heel Stone.

Q: Does that sound like an awesome way to welcome the first day of summer, or what?

A: No! It sounds like an awesome way to cause your eyeballs to spontaneously burst into flames.

There are, fortunately, safer ways to welcome the summer solstice. You can hop on a plane and fly to Alaska, where the Alaska Goldpanners of Fairbanks celebrate their status as the most northerly baseball team on the planet with the Midnight Sun Game, which starts at 10:30 p.m. and stretches well into the following morning, without the need for artificial light.

Better yet, why not head to Seattle for the annual Solstice Parade, featuring the legendary Painted Cyclists, a clothing-optional group of bike riders who sport intense body makeup.

“Watch out for those solstice rays: the Painted Cyclists’ organizers instruct participants to slather on the sunscreen, encouraging newbies to ask Rob about his plaid sunburn from solstice 2002, according to the website of Discover magazine.

On the other hand, if you are like me — by which I mean an overweight, middle-aged person of the guy gender — there is only one way to properly welcome the first astronomical day of summer. No, I’m not talking about watching sports highlights on TV or grilling football-sized burgers on our propane barbecues. What I’m talking about is singing in our cars.

Every year, on the day of the summer solstice, when you are stopped at a red light and look around, what do you always see? You always see the guy in the car beside you picking his nose, which is gross, but that is not today’s point. No, today’s point is that when summer finally arrives, guys traditionally celebrate by finding an open stretch of road, rolling down their windows, cranking up the volume on their radios or mobile musical devices, and, with a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel, flinging back their heads and shrieking the lyrics to their favourite summer songs.

For some guys, the best song for welcoming summer is the 1977 classic Paradise by the Dashboard Light, wherein we sing a soulful duet with Mr. Meat Loaf, belting out the following heartfelt lyrics: “Ain’t no doubt about it/We were doubly blessed/’Cause we were barely seventeen/And we were barely dressed.”

For me, personally, when the solstice saunters in, I always opt for a more traditional celebratory tune, by which I mean In the Summertime, a major global smash hit recorded in 1970 by the British pop-blues group Mungo Jerry, in which they capture the essence of the season by crooning: “In the summertime when the weather is high/You can stretch right up and touch the sky.”

Summer starts tomorrow, and you know what I want everyone to do.

That’s right, climb in the car, roll down your window, raise up your voice… and tell that jerk in the car beside you to stop picking his (bad word) nose.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca