Bringing some food for thought… in a bowl

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/11/2018 (2836 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

As a beloved cultural icon, I can safely say that any great artist depends on a tried-and-true system to help produce masterpiece-quality artwork.

It’s a known fact, for example, that Michelangelo was incapable of painting or sculpting anything until he had run up the steps of the Leaning Tower of Pisa at least 17 times and flung several bowls of pasta off the roof.

Unless that was Leonardo da Vinci. It’s difficult to say without doing any actual research.

From a personal perspective, whenever I am asked to produce some manner of art for charity, my process involves the following three highly artistic steps:

1. Finding someone who is really good at art

2. Getting them to do all the work

3. Going for lunch

I am especially good at step No. 3, but that’s not today’s point. Today’s point is that, as a great artist, I had to rely on this system once again to whip up a heart-tugging work of art to be auctioned off on Monday at Winnipeg Harvest’s annual Empty Bowls Soup-er Lunch at Bell MTS Place.

You will be impressed to hear this is something like the ninth straight year that two of my buddies — the comedian Big Daddy Tazz and the renowned Winnipeg sculptor Jordan Van Sewell — and I have made a bowl for the fundraising lunch, which runs from 11:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. at ice level.

(Tickets are $10 at the door or from ticketmaster.ca. You can get 25 raffle tickets for $20.)

For the first few years, Tazz and I simply decorated pre-made bowls for the event. When it dawned on us that our pal Jordan was, in fact, a professional artist, we started visiting his home studio and making our own bowls from scratch.

In recent years, we have really stepped up our game via the technique of getting together to create a single Super Soup Bowl featuring stunningly lifelike clay replicas of ourselves, typically squatting inside the bowl and using huge soup spoons as paddles.

This year, the three of us exceeded all expectations, by which I mean — if you recall my three-step process — Jordan did pretty much all the work.

My main contribution to the artistic process was to take my buddies out for lunch to talk about this year’s bowl, which Jordan formally unveiled a few days ago at Bernstein’s Deli on Corydon Avenue, where we famous artists enjoy feasting on their deep-fried pickles.

This year’s masterpiece is a humongous ceramic bowl made to resemble one of those Tilt-a-Whirl rides at the Red River Ex. Our buddy Tazz is symbolically falling out of the spinning bowl while his hat, suspended from a wire, flies into the air.

The sculpted version of our wizard-bearded buddy Jordan is yanking on the brakes for dear life, while the clay replica of this tubby columnist is gazing blankly into space, a reporter’s notebook tucked under one arm and two hands clenched tightly around a super-sized hotdog.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking: “Um, OK, Doug, exactly what statement does this work make about hunger?”

That is an excellent question. I personally don’t have a clue, but here’s what Jordan told me: “Hunger has gotten out of control. It’s spinning out of control, and Tazz is calling out for help. I’m the brakeman on the amusement ride and I’m trying to put the brakes on hunger.”

Which begs the question: Why am I, an overweight newspaper columnist, standing there holding a giant hotdog?

Jordan had to think for a moment before saying: “Oh, um, yeah, you’re the witness to the complexity of hunger. As you stare out at the universe, you’re looking out at the problem.”

Or, as my comedian buddy — who actually sculpted the huge hotdog the clay version of me is holding — said: “You’re bringing some food for thought.”

The important thing to remember is that our super soup bowl is among 28 bowls that will be up for grabs at the food bank’s fundraising lunch on Monday.

Colleen McVarish, Harvest’s assistant director of development and communications, said most of the bowls will be raffled off, but they liked ours so much it is going to be set aside on a separate table for a silent auction.

“I think that it should go for at least $750,” is what McVarish told me. “I loved it when I saw it. I’d love to have it for myself.”

Harvest is hoping a record number of generous folks turn out to feast on five fabulous soups — including new ones such as Caribbean pork chili and loaded baked potato — and bid on bowls decorated by a who’s who of celebrities.

This year’s bowl-making celebrities include: Winnipeg Jets stars Mark Scheifele and Patrik Laine; Lou (the Hulk) Ferrigno; comic actor Red Green; wacky singer-songwriter Weird Al Yankovic; Star Trek actor Gates (Dr. Crusher) McFadden; and Canadian rockers Colin James, and the Sheepdogs, to name just a few.

McVarish said the food bank needs to raise as much cash as possible because the problem of local hunger continues to worsen.

“The need is never going away,” she said. “For the month of September, we averaged about 400 calls a day. We had 276 new food bank clients in September, people that have never accessed the food bank. That tells you the need is increasing.”

So, drop whatever you are doing — unless you are holding up our giant ceramic bowl — and get ready to help fight hunger in Winnipeg. I want to assure you that Jordan, Tazz and I really put our hearts into this year’s bowl, which means there’s not a lot of room left over for soup.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca