Your car says a lot about you

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/03/2020 (2369 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

It turns out I’m not as big a jerk as I thought I was.Would you like to know why? I’d be happy to tell you. I’m not a huge jerk because my car — a 2012 Nissan Maxima with a handful of scratches — is just an OK car as opposed to a swanky vehicle that causes automobile-loving guys to turn green with envy.

By the way, this is not just my opinion. No, it’s the opinion of teams of crackerjack researchers around the world who generated headlines last week with the following shocking scientific discovery — If you drive an expensive car you might be a jerk.

According to CNN and a bunch of other news organizations, a new study has found drivers of flashy vehicles are less likely to stop and allow pedestrians to cross the road — with the likelihood they’ll slow down decreasing by three per cent for every extra $1,000 that their vehicle is worth.

Researchers from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas — and it’s a good bet they know what they’re talking about — reached their conclusions after asking volunteers to cross a sidewalk hundred of times, then filming and analyzing the responses by car drivers.

And — brace yourselves for a big surprise — the drivers least likely to yield for the pedestrians were those behind the wheels of expensive vehicles. “Disengagement and a lower ability to interpret thoughts and feelings of others along with feelings of entitlement and narcissism may lead to a lack of empathy for pedestrians” among costly car owners, the researchers theorized in their study.

The Vegas study, published in the Journal of Transport and Health, was not the only one to paint an unflattering portrait of guys of my particular gender who drive pricey vehicles.

A study by the University of Helsinki surveyed 1,892 drivers to see what kind of guys were drawn to costly cars that literally ooze testosterone.

“The answers were unambiguous: self-centred men who are argumentative, stubborn, disagreeable and unempathetic are much more likely to own a high-status car,” Helsinki University’s Jan-Erik Lönnqvist said in a press release.

For the record, it also found conscientious people often favour higher-priced vehicles, too.

I have to admit I have mixed feelings about these findings. On the one hand, I am pleased to learn, because my car is not the flashiest thing on the road, chances are I am not a major jerk.

I do not wish to upset any scientists who happen to be reading today’s newspaper — regardless of what kind of vehicle they happen to drive — but I think we need to be extremely careful before we start labelling innocent rich motorists as people of questionable character who are unable to empathize with lowly sidewalk-dwellers, if you catch my drift.

Maybe we should take a few minutes today to discuss some examples of atrociously bad behaviour that would better qualify someone to be designated a jerk. Here are a handful that come to mind:

• If you drive your car at the speed of light until you get in front of my car, at which point you slow your vehicle down so that it is moving at the speed of airport luggage, chances are you are a jerk.

• If, when you are watching a popular TV show with your spouse, possibly one of the three million home-renovation shows on TV these days, and you make it impossible to hear the inane dialogue because you are rooting around for crumbs in the bottom of a potato-chip bag, chances are you are a jerk.

• If you park your car — and we do not care whether it is a rusted old jalopy or a shiny foreign sports car — in a spot designated for people with disabilities even if you are not disabled, chances are you’re a jerk.

• If you ignore human beings who are sitting in front of you because you are too busy texting people who aren’t even in the room, chances are you’re a jerk.

• If you are one of those people who go to movies and, just when it reaches the dramatic part, begin loudly talking on your cellphone about how (bad word) rude the grocery-store cashier was to you the other day, chances are you’re a jerk.

• If you are eating lunch with someone and make an icky face, then hand them your sandwich and say “Smell this!” chances are you’re a jerk.

I have more examples, but we are out of space today, so I can’t drone on and on about motorists who rev their engines at stoplights to prove they have NASCAR-level driving skills, or people who smoke in bus shelters, or especially dog owners who pretend they don’t see their pup pooping on my snow-covered lawn and walk away without bothering to pick it up!

Sorry if I got carried away there. My car may not be much to look at, but sometimes I can be a real jerk.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca