Dress up as Everyday Horror this Halloween

Opinion

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This article was published 28/10/2023 (718 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

‘Twas the Saturday before Halloween, and all through the house, nary a costume to be had, not even, to quote Karen in Mean Girls, “I’m a mouse… duh.”

Look, I get it: you’ve procrastinated and now you need a costume for some party you’ve known about for weeks. You want something that can show off your DIY skills, but is also inexpensive. You want something more inspired than slapping on a pair of bunny/cat/mouse ears, and you want something more relevant than a quote from a nearly 20-year-old movie.

May I suggest dressing up as an Everyday Horror?

From the crusty office microwave to that email from six months ago you haven’t replied to yet, there’s plenty of legitimately frightening inspiration to be mined from your day-to-day life.

Sunday Scaries

What it is: It’s that feeling of dread or overwhelm about the upcoming work week. Maybe it’s a too-big to-do list. Maybe it’s a stressful meeting. The Sunday Scaries usually creep in on Sunday evening (but sometimes earlier). They are weekend thieves.

How to do it: You can interpret this one however you want, but what I envision is a bedsheet ghost — or maybe you have a black hood and scythe kicking around? — wearing a calendar page with all the Sundays circled… in blood! Or maybe just a sign that says “Sunday” on it, don’t overthink it.

‘Can You Swing By My Office?’

What it is: Ah yes, the scariest genre of email. It comes from your boss, and it’s scarier if it comes in the late afternoon, scarier still if it comes in the late afternoon and it’s also a Friday. It seems friendly … but is it?

How to do it: This one requires some low-key design skills. Get yourself some Bristol board. Create an Outlook email, which we can all agree is the scariest of all office email platforms. Write in an innocuous but absolutely ominous subject line, such as “do you have a sec?” or “stop by first thing.” Slap that baby on your chest. Ta-da. You are now a terrifying piece of correspondence.

Inflation

What it is: We’re not going to get too into the weeds here, but have you bought anything lately? Life’s expensive, man.

How to do it: I feel like this costume is basically begging you to wear some sort of pool inflatable with dollar signs drawn all over it? (It’s a thinker that requires little thought!)

Zombie Girlboss

What it is: You have it all, so you get to do it all, too! You’re booked and busy — forever!

How to do it: Any “millennial pink” outfit will do. Pile on the rose gold jewelry. You’re gonna get yourself a baby doll for one arm and a briefcase for the other. You’re also going to somehow hold your phone (bonus points if you can construct multiple arms juggling multiple things, including a matcha latté).

The makeup, though, is where you can really let your creativity shine — think Glossier, the original girlboss brand, meets Halloween face paint, because hustle culture never truly dies. Harrowing.

The Ghosts of Facebook Statuses 2007-2010

What it is: This, for most users of Zuckerberg’s time suck, is the cringiest era. Remember all those “Your Name is…” prompts? I shudder just thinking about it.

How to do it: Make yourself a cardboard tombstone, emblazoned with “RIP Facebook Statuses 2007-2010” or whatever your personal status nadir is. Then you take some white printer paper and make some basic ghosts, which will bear your most embarrassing Facebook statuses of yore. You know, the ones that haunt you at 2 a.m. (“Quinoa: I’m into it” is a particularly harrowing memory for me.)

jen.zoratti@winnipegfreepress.com